The Journey of Adoption

My Re-Entry Into The Blogging World

2012-01-11T14:46:00.000-05:00

It has been awhile since I've taken the time to blog - but there is a good excuse for my temporary break! On November 26th, my husband and I became parents to the sweetest little baby boy we could ever imagine - Parker Isaiah. Parker was born on Thanksgiving weekend and we feel so blessed that God entrusted us with this precious little guy. Although I've had the opportunity to assist many couples with becoming parents, I could never fully appreciate the joy that one little, tiny baby brings to a family until I had the opportunity to experience it for myself. I'm overwhelmed with joy...

So, I am "officially" on maternity leave until February 6th and then I will return to full-time casework at Family Life Services and will get back in the swing of keeping this blog updated. During my time away, I have had the chance to brainstorm different ideas for the coming year and am excited about putting those ideas into action upon my return.

Until then...I'm hanging up my "social worker" hat and proudly wearing the hat of "Parker's Mommy" for as long as I can...

Chrisno's Story: The Journey from Haiti to his Forever Family - Part 2

2011-12-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

If you missed Part 1 of William and Darlene's adoption story, go back to the post on December 14th to read how Chrisno's journey began.

Even though the size of Chrisno's head did not decrease, as hoped after the surgery and would not get any smaller, Chrisno had improved a lot. Unfortunately Chrisno’s reunion didn’t go well with his biological parents. They stated they just could not provide for Chrisno in his condition and they would have to place him in an orphanage. We fell in love with this little boy, cared deeply for him, and didn’t want to see him go to an orphanage. We explained the situation to our boys and asked them what they thought of us adopting Chrisno and he would become their little brother. Without hesitation, they said, "Yes"! We knew that an orphanage could not provide him with the attention he would require with his special needs, physical and mental development delays, and visual impairments. We had been told that a child like Chrisno would not survive in an orphanage and we knew that we could provide him with a loving family.

Chrisno stayed with a family in Haiti for four months while we worked on getting the adoption paperwork completed. Chrisno had to come back to the United States for medical treatment and we were able to be his host family, once again. During that time, it became evident that the adoption process was going to be very complicated, expensive, and was not guaranteed to bring the end result of Chrisno joining our family. I began to get very scared and wonder if we were doing the right thing. I came to the conclusion that I knew God had brought Chrisno here for a reason and we had to do everything possible for him. Around that time, I read this quote: “Doing what is necessary makes things possible, then you find yourself doing the impossible. God doesn’t ask us to be successful just faithful.”

The lawyer who was going to help us pursue the adoption advised us to begin in January of 2010 - then the earthquake hit. Although Chrisno was safe in the United States, we didn't know if his parents had survived. We knew they wanted Chrisno to be adopted by our family, but they would need to be found so they could sign their consent. It wasn't until May that we heard that they had survived the devastation in Haiti and we could move forward and complete the adoption process.

Chrisno has been with us for 3 years except when he went back to Haiti for 4 months. Chrisno is doing so well and he now attends school in a special education class 4 days a week and receives OT, PT, and ST in addition to the therapy he receives at home. He can now crawl, pull himself up to a kneeling position and has started to say words and phrases. We have started him in piano lessons because of his love of music and we feel this is one thing he can excel at. He wakes every morning about 5:30 a.m. singing, laughing, clapping his hands and cheering for himself - he is full of joy! My husband and I lie in bed and laugh at him, thinking what a way to start the day. We're so glad that we listened to God's voice and are so proud of all four of our boys!

My youngest son and I have written a children’s book telling how Chrisno became part of the family called My Little Brother Chrisno. The book is for educational purposes teaching children about adoption, bringing awareness to Angel Missions Haiti and their good works, and is to be used as a ministry tool to spread God's Word. 25% of all proceeds from book sales will go to AMH.

Chrisno's Story: The Journey from Haiti to his Forever Family - Part 1

2011-12-14T08:00:00.001-05:00

I had the opportunity to work with this remarkable adoptive family who opened their hearts and their home to a special little boy from Haiti with significant medical needs. Adoptive parents, William and Darlene, are the proud parents of four boys and I asked them to share how God showed them that adoption was His plan for their family.

Our family's adoption story began when I was watching a Saturday morning news show and heard Vanessa Carpenter from Angel Missions Haiti (AMH) asking for someone to host a baby from Haiti for 3 to 4 months while he came to the United States for life saving surgery. Hosting meant taking a baby into your home and caring for the baby as if it is your own child - supplying clothes, food, diapers, and taking the baby to all medical appointments. All medical care would provided by the charitable acts of a variety of different medical facilities and physicians. The more I thought about it, I thought my husband and I could do this. I thought it was a way we could teach our three children a life lesson of helping others and a way for us, as a family, to do the Lord's work.

I called AMH to find out how to apply and discovered that the child's name was Chrisno Jeudi, he was about 20 months old and he had hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain). The fluid on the brain was causing pressure resulting in headaches and constant pain. Chrisno could only lie on his back with cushions under him to try to make him comfortable. He was in need of surgery to have a shunt inserted to slowly drain the fluid off his brain. Without the procedure, the fluid would build up and he would die.

After a series of unexpected delays, Chrisno arrived to the United States in September of 2008. The first time I held him I was so afraid, he was difficult to hold due to the size of his head and I couldn’t cuddle him. Chrisno’s head circumference was almost 30 inches and weighed about 22 pounds and his total body weight was only 27 pounds. Vanessa had sent me a picture and I knew his head was big but I never could have imagined that it was so big or so heavy. I soon realized that this was going to be along three months and prayed for God to give me the strength to be the best caregiver I could possibly be.

He had his second birthday with us and, at 2 years old, he was unable to hold his own bottle. He had developmental delays and he could not roll over, sit upright or crawl due to the size of his head. His vision also had been affected leaving him visually impaired. We started working with him and before long he was holding his bottle. We could tell after surgery he was feeling much better and he started smiling at us and the boys would make him laugh. I finally found a song that he liked that seemed to calm him. It was “I love you, you love me” the Barney song, at least he laughed when I sang it, I don’t know if he liked my singing or he thought it was funny! I started feeling a bond with him and I wanted to protect him and keep him safe.

My heart went out to Chrisno's Mom and Dad, knowing that they had to send their baby to another country to save his life. They couldn’t go with him, be there to hold his little hand and comfort him. The impact of what we were actually doing started to hit me; God had chosen us to do his work. The boys also helped, each in his own way and showed him so much attention and compassion. The boys would play with Chrisno and make him laugh. Everyone loves to hear Chrisno laugh and it is so contagious. Chrisno loves music and we are a musical family. The 3 months seemed to fly by and Chrisno spent Christmas with us. We had worked with Chrisno and he started holding his own bottle at night and using a sippy cup during the day. We had started feeding him real food and we taught him to feed himself. We saw huge improvements in his physical and mental development and I was able to help develop a brace to support his head so he could sit in a high chair and stand in a walker.

He went back home to Haiti in January of 2009 and we were happy and sad at the same time. We were going to miss Chrisno but we were so happy and excited for Chrisno’s parents to see all his accomplishments.

Check back to read Part 2 to hear how Chrisno returned to become a part of this family...forever.

Happy Adoption Day, Aidan!

2011-12-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

FLS waiting adoptive parents, Lance & Ragan, opened themselves up to other opportunities while they were in our program and were able to adopt their sweet, baby boy through successfully networking this fall. Ragan wrote the following to share their family's journey to encourage others.

Our son has arrived, and even though it has been more than 12 weeks, I can still hardly believe that I am a Mommy and that Lance is a Daddy and that Aidan is really ours forever!! God blew my mind with how He built our family. And He knows exactly what I need. He knows I needed a VERY easy and laid back child for my first one, since I am such an infant novice (and am a little high strung at times!). He knew that it would work better if I had ZERO notice about his birth and our being chosen as his parents, so that I would not be anxious and try to control everything! (Imagine a female doing that!) And He knew that He would give me the strength, the mental, emotional and physical capacity to make so much happen in such a short time, including moving to a new home, flying to Florida to meet our new baby, visiting the NICU daily for just under four weeks, and then finally leaving Florida after five weeks, unpacking boxes and cleaning our new home from top to bottom - oh, and did I mention there is taking care of a newborn in all of this?!

Yes, Lance and I are a glorious testimony of the fact that God will build families His way and in the timing that He determines is best - no matter how we prayerfully (and perhaps tearfully) wrestle with Him to do otherwise. That being said, I know that how "God found us for Aidan" was nothing short of a miracle. We had been in the waiting pool only two months (and we debated even getting in the pool because of Lance's upcoming military deployment), feeling strongly led to jump in, although we thought, "What Mom in her right mind, who wants her child to be in a two-parent home, would place her child with a couple who would be separated for nine months and maybe forever with the dangers of combat?!"

Not only this, but we were putting ourselves on hold with FLS on September first, so that we wouldn't lose more time in the pool. And since God loves to come at the 11th hour, He did so with a phone call on the evening of Aug. 29, telling us that Aidan (who we didn't even know was being created!) had been born to a woman in Florida on Saturday the 27th of August. At 5PM on the 30th, we received the call from the case worker that we had been chosen and needed to be on a plane to Florida asap, because Aidan's birthmother wanted to meet us. So, I was on a plane at 11AM on the 31st, while Lance remained behind, because the movers were arriving that day. Throughout the adoption process, I had prayed for an 11 day old baby, because I knew that, in Virginia, the birthmother has ten days to change her mind. And God blew my mind, because He gave us Aidan on day four of his life...this little 4lb 15oz drug-exposed preemie! Only God can do that. He loves to lavish His children with "abundantly more than all we ask or imagine"! And He did so with this one.

Aidan came to us, not through Family Life Services, but because Deanne sent a previous email about twins needing a home asap and letting us know if we were interested to call the agency involved directly. And so, while I was house hunting, I called and sent all of our info immediately to Utah. And for whatever reason (ONLY GOD!!), the adoption staff at the organization loved us. So they presented us to that birth mother. She didn't choose us, so no twins. Then they presented us to another birthmother - she was interested but also didn't choose us. And then Debbie called from the hospital wanting to place her child and asked the agency to choose the adoptive parents. Unanimously, they chose us. And the rest is history...and now our present and future!

So all I can say, being on the other side of the infertility and waiting challenges, is hold on to hope and never stop believing that your child will soon be in your arms. Try everything and don't limit God on His method of putting your family together. God knows...He knows I was not equipped for twins! And He knows that Lance and I really wanted a boy first. So, what may seem like a great loss with disappointment when a birthmother doesn't choose any of us, in reality is a tremendous blessing! He knows how you are equipped as well and what you really want and need. And He is a gracious and abundant Provider.

I pray our story, though rare in so many degrees, will encourage those who have had to wait for their child to arrive and to be chosen as parents and whose trials have been the same as or greater than ours to trust in God and to remain in the Vine, for if you don't, you will feel ashamed of your unbelief when God showers you with His knowing and compassionate love. May God build your family quickly! And may He grant you rich grace and patient understanding if His 'quickly' is not the same as yours. God bless!

FLS: A New Logo & A New Look

2011-12-05T08:00:00.001-05:00

It was time for FLS to get a new look - so here's a sneak peak at our new logo and building block for our new design. A tree signifies the family trees that are touched by adoption (both birth & adoptive) and the reality that they are grafted into one through the overwhelming love that is evident with adoption. We hope you like it as much as we do!

Reflections on National Adoption Month from an Adoptive Dad - Part 2

2011-11-28T08:00:00.001-05:00

This is an open letter sent from the heart of an adoptive dad, Kevin, to his local newspaper for National Adoption Month. Kevin and his wife, Julie, adopted two precious sons from Family Life Services, Ethan and Tyler. If you missed Part 1 - go back and read it from last week.

About a year after bringing Ethan home, we started the journey to bring another child into our home. Our first adoption experience didn’t make the wait for the second child any easier. In fact, we faced some extremely trying circumstances with a disrupted adoption before receiving word from Laura that she was pregnant once more and wished to place her second child with us. With incredible joy, we received Tyler into our family in August of 2007. We feel so blessed to be the adoptive parents of two healthy, rambunctious, loving boys who also happen to be biologically related. We don’t view ourselves as parents of adopted children, but rather as parents of children who just happen to be adopted. Although adoption is an important part of our family story, it doesn’t define who we are as a family.

I know that many don’t understand adoption or the open relationship we share with our sons’ birthmother, a young lady we love and consider to be a part of our family. I remember running into some friends shortly after we brought Ethan home and hearing the comment that adoption “must be the next best thing to having a child of your own.” These were good, well-meaning folks who were simply uneducated about adoption, much as we had once been. We were stunned into silence, but if the same comment were made today, I’d have a ready answer: “Adopting a child is second to none and my children are my own, regardless of how they happened to join the family.” We’ve also heard various statements about how we took the “easy route” by choosing adoption. We can only chuckle at this one – we were subjected to physical examinations, background checks, and home inspections; we filled out reams of paperwork; we shelled out tens of thousands of dollars; and we waited nearly 30 months before Ethan joined the family. Then we did it all again for Tyler. We have no regrets, and adoption has brought incredible joy and laughter and life to our family. Is it for everyone? No, but it was perfect for us.

So this brings me back to where I started –celebrating November as National Adoption Month. I don’t need parades or parties, or noisemakers in order to celebrate. If I simply remember our family story and how Ethan and Tyler came to us, then every moment we spend together as a family becomes a part of our ongoing celebration of adoption.

Reflections on National Adoption Month from an Adoptive Dad - Part 1

2011-11-21T08:00:00.002-05:00

This is an open letter sent from the heart of an adoptive dad, Kevin, to his local newspaper for National Adoption Month. Kevin and his wife, Julie, adopted two precious sons from Family Life Services, Ethan and Tyler.

It’s hard to believe that the month of November is nearly upon us. November is a month of seasonal change, with leaves falling and frost often glistening on the lawn in the early morning sun. November is when we celebrate Veterans Day and gather with family for Thanksgiving. By the end of November, most of us have put up the Christmas tree and begun earnest preparations for the Christmas holiday. November is fun and hectic and expensive and fattening – I’m thinking of that Thanksgiving turkey – and for all of this and much more, we look forward to the month of November. My family enjoys November for all of these reasons, but we also appreciate the designation of November as National Adoption Month. I realize that the celebration of adoption is not typically on the short list of “important things about November,” but for my family, this celebration is just as meaningful as Thanksgiving, perhaps even more so. We don’t celebrate National Adoption Month with parties and balloons and festivals and parades; rather, our family time becomes just a little bit sweeter as we reflect on the amazing journey that brought us together as a family.

Like many adoptive families, adoption was not on our radar when Julie and I were married. I don’t have space here to share all of the details that changed our direction, but I will say that when we began to investigate adoption as an opportunity to bring children into our home, many of our preconceived notions about adoption were shattered. Our adoption agency made a great effort to educate us, answer our questions, and help us through the adoption process which can be complex, time-consuming and expensive. Over time, we realized that birthmothers are often just scared young ladies who are taking responsibility for their actions by making the agonizing, heart-wrenching, courageous choice to lovingly place their baby into a caring, stable home which is better-equipped to care for the needs of the child. We realized that open adoption, under the right circumstances, could result in a healthy relationship for the child, the parents, the birthparents, and extended family members. We learned that adoption expenses, while high, are often justifiable and that there are foundations which can help relieve some of the financial burden of adoption. We realized that adoption can be a long, emotionally-draining process. We realized, most importantly, that adoption is not second best.

I can still vividly remember the first time that Julie and I met Laura at the adoption agency. This young lady and her parents had reviewed a dozen or more profiles, ours among them, which had been submitted to the agency by prospective adoptive parents. She had decided she wanted to meet with us in person. Julie and I had made the drive to Virginia that January morning, and the thought that Laura may select us to parent her child was overwhelming and humbling. I’m actually not sure who was more nervous as we sat and talked that morning, but the conversation flowed easily, and we received word a couple of weeks later that we would be parents of a baby boy. I’m not ashamed to say that I cried like a baby, and had a hard time explaining to Julie why I was sobbing when I called to give her the good news. Ethan was born in February of 2005 and when he officially joined our family in a celebration at the agency, we shed more tears of joy!

Check in next week for Part 2 to hear how this family of three became a family of four.

Who Are You Thankful For Today?

2011-11-19T17:00:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed that the social media feeds are full of thankfulness this month? It seems fairly easy to write a quick tweet or status update, highlighting something that we appreciate every day. But, how many times do we make the effort to write a note or make a phone call (like we all used to do) to tell someone that we're thankful for them? That's a little more direct and uncomfortable for most of us, but is probably something we should do more often.

I have been thinking about this for the past week, after my dad told me about a phone call he received out of the blue last week. He has been a preacher for many years and received a phone call from a lady, whom he had not had any contact with in many years, who was calling just to tell him "thank you" for telling her about Jesus sixteen years ago. She shared how that moment made a difference in her life and how she thanks God daily for his life-changing impact on her, as a teenager, that day.

That turned his day around...not because he had done anything extraordinary...but because of the simple act of hearing "thanks" and realizing that the impact he made was not forgotten. Who has made a difference in your life, in your adoption journey, or in your family - maybe recently or maybe years ago? Will you accept the challenge to step out of your comfort zone and express gratitude this month to that person or group of people who are special in your life?

Winter Market 2011 - Lynchburg, VA

2011-11-07T08:46:00.000-05:00

If you live within driving distance of Lynchburg, VA - you do not want to miss the upcoming Winter Market. Enjoy a holiday shopping experience with vendors offering jewelry, clothing, gourmet food items, home decor, personalized gifts, and much more! Enter to win a free pair of tickets today by going to the WinterMarket LGF Facebook page and commenting on the wall photo posted on November 4th - it's that easy.

All proceeds benefit the Liberty Godparent Foundation which provides funding for Family Life Services and the Liberty Godparent Home.

Happy Adoption Day, Andrew!

2011-10-28T22:24:00.000-04:00

We celebrated our most recent placement at Family Life Services on Friday, October 21, as new parents, Craig & Carey, adopted their son, Andrew Adam. I'm not sure that I can accurately describe adoption day with a word picture, but the pictures linked in the slideshow below speak for themselves. The birth mother and her parents were a huge part of this day, but pictures are not being shared for privacy reasons. Watching a birth mother fight the emotions of placement day - because she feels that she is doing what's best for her child - is something that never becomes routine at our agency.

In a similar way, the privilege of watching a young couple, who have prayed faithfully for the day when they would become parents, is overwhelming. On this particular day, I was reminded of how God fits the pieces of families together when the birth family and adoptive family (including extended family members) came together, some of them meeting for the first time, and shared an instant love and respect for one another.

Andrew is the first child for Craig & Carey, the first grandchild for Craig's parents, and the first grandchild for Carey's parents - do we need to say any more or are you thinking what we're thinking?! Visit this link to see a slideshow of images from Andrew's Placement Day.

Friday's Featured Family: Andy & Patricia

2011-10-21T07:00:00.002-04:00

Friday's Featured Family: Andy & Patricia

Married since 2006
Reside in Virginia
Andy's Occupation: Works for a Nuclear Manufacturing Corporation
Patricia's Occupation: Works for a Commercial Insurance Company

Andy and Patricia are an active young couple with strong, traditional family values. They enjoy traveling, spending time with friends and family, being outdoors, and attending live sporting events. Patricia has a kind, sweet personality and is a wonderful cook. She has a heart for others and is great with children. Andy is fun-loving, outgoing, and has a great sense of humor. He is calm, compassionate, creative, and a great problem-solver. Andy and Patricia want to give their child everything that they had growing up: love, attention, great experiences, and cherished memories. Most of all, they want to raise their child to know God’s saving grace and unconditional love and to grow into the person that God has planned for them.

Ten Random Facts About Andy & Patricia:

1. Their families are a huge part of who they are and the people they have become.

2. Friday nights are their “date nights” together.

3. Andy’s sense of humor has them laughing on Saturday mornings before they even get out of bed.

4. Patricia’s nickname is “Squish”.

5. Their best date was a Christmas light tour in a limo.

6. They enjoy hiking and other outdoor activities.

7. Patricia loves to cook and Andy loves to build things.

8. They have always been involved in serving God and others through their church.

9. They have 3 nephews and 2 nieces that they have lots of fun with.

10. They are open to having an ongoing relationship with the birth parents.

If you would like more information about any of our waiting adoptive families, please contact Family Life Services at FLS@liberty.edu

Winter Market - Nov 18-20 - Lynchburg, VA

2011-10-20T10:05:00.000-04:00

If you are within driving distance of Lynchburg, Virginia - please make plans to join us for the upcoming Winter Market! Connect with the Winter Market on Facebook or on the Event Page to stay updated and see what vendors will be there.

Cameron's Story: 16 & Pregnant - Part 4

2011-10-12T10:29:00.000-04:00

Just Want This Waiting To Be Over

2011-10-10T07:00:00.001-04:00

As I got into the car this morning these lyrics poured out of the radio, “I just want this waiting to be over”. It was as if the words were out of my very own mouth, my attention was immediately caught, and my mind lost in the words that continued to float out of the speakers. “I just want to be with you and it helps to know the day is getting closer. Every minute takes an hour, every inch feels like a mile til I won’t have to imagine and I finally get to see you smile”.

I found myself thinking about the different things I am waiting for in my life. How minutes truly can feel like hours and days like weeks. Then I was thinking, it is so easy to get caught up in my life, in my own personal waiting, that sometimes I forget what I should ultimately be waiting on, seeing my Jesus’ face.

The song went on….

My journey’s here, but my heart is there

So, I dream and wait, and keep the faith while You prepare

Our destiny, til you come back for me

Oh, please make it soon!

Waiting is something I’ve determined I will always be doing. In fact, you may remember a similar blog post from last year. I believe more and more that God designed it that way, to teach me, amongst other things, how to wait on Him, on His second coming.

“Oh, please make it soon!” How often this is the cry of my heart for many things, may it also be my heart’s cry as I wait for His coming.

~By Rachel Curley, FLS Adoption Caseworker

Friday's Featured Family: Sean & Shandra

2011-10-07T07:00:00.001-04:00

Friday's Featured Family: Sean & Shandra
Married since 1996
Reside in Virginia
Sean's Occupation: College Music Professor, Guitar Teacher, Professional Musician
Shandra's Occupation: Homemaker (Formerly an Administrative Assistant)

Sean and Shandra are an active couple who enjoys traveling and experiencing new things together. They both have warm and friendly personalities that are complementary to one another. Sean loves to spend time outdoors hiking, running, and biking. He is patient and has a great sense of humor. Shandra is detail-oriented, outgoing, nurturing, creative, spontaneous, and fun-loving. In her free time, Shandra loves to read, play board games, watch movies, travel to new places, and is an exceptional cook. Sean and Shandra were foster parents to a special little boy, in the past, and look forward to sharing their home and family with a child who joins their family through adoption.

Ten Random Facts About Sean & Shandra:

1. New people who meet them often say “Sean and Shandra, that will be easy to remember!”

2. The farthest they have ever traveled together was to Bolivia where Shandra worked in a childrens’ day camp and Sean taught music.

3. Shandra went to New York City on her high school senior trip and saw 10 Broadway shows in 7 days!

4. Sean has a lot of experience working with kids. When he was growing up, he helped take care of his brothers, who are much younger than he is. He has also taught guitar one-on-one to kids of all ages, and he taught middle school and high school for one year.

5. Their first date involved watching multiple Disney movies, eating pizza, and taking a very long walk.

6. They have a vegetable garden in their backyard. They are very good at growing tomatoes but just can’t grow peas!

7. The child that they adopt will be the first grandchild on both sides of their families, and their parents are looking forward to showering love on their grandchild.

8. Shandra’s family has a tradition of singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” before opening every present on Christmas morning, no matter how long it takes.

9. They are open to incorporating a name selected by the birth parents for the child they adopt.

10. They are interested in having ongoing communication with the birth parents if they are comfortable with that. They are also willing to consider having an open adoption in the future.

If you would like more information about any of our waiting adoptive families, please contact Family Life Services at FLS@liberty.edu

Cameron's Story: 16 & Pregnant - Part 3

2011-10-05T07:00:00.002-04:00

FLS Birthmom, Cameron, has graciously allowed us to follow along as she shares her personal journey of teenage pregnancy. If you haven't been following along, make sure to go back to read Part 1 & Part 2. Her story is one of intense emotion, struggling faith, and ultimate victory.

I called Deanne the next day and told her that I had made my mind up and wanted to place this child for adoption. I stated that I didn’t want to consider any other family. I was bound and determined that Roger & Pat were my son’s new parents. She informed me that there was another girl who was considering this family. NO WAY. This was MY family. I left feeling hurt and depressed...dreading the possibility of having to start this process over again.

Deanne called me and told me that another girl had called and asked Roger and Pat to be her child’s adoptive parents and they agreed. She told me that, after speaking to the agency’s director, she was able to call and ask them if they were willing to adopt another child as well. Deanne called me back and said, “Great news. They would love to adopt your son as well.” We called them to tell them I had chosen them and the enthusiastically agreed to parent my son. I remember feeling like there was a weight lifted from my chest and I felt so much relief.

Pat and I spoke often and the more we talked the closer I felt to her. She reminded me so much of my mom and I felt like I could tell her anything. Our relationship grew stronger and I shared with her any news I received from my doctor. We continued to keep in touch weekly.

Finally, the time came when my doctor informed me that he would be inducing me the following Monday. I was glad to not have to be pregnant anymore and I was happy to have these little feet out of my ribs! I was admitted to the hospital at 5:00 a.m. to start the birthing process. Ryan Joshua was born a few hours later and I couldn’t wait to tell Pat. I called her from the hospital and she was so excited...I was too.

They brought Ryan to me and I was overwhelmed with emotion. He was beautiful. I couldn’t stop kissing him. Later that night I held him close and told him that he was very special to me and that I found the perfect family for him that could give him everything he wanted and needed. I told him that I would always love him and would be here every step of his life. I made a promise to him that I would never stop loving him. That night, we snuggled and slept together and all I could think about was how I couldn’t wait for Pat to lay eyes on him. She and Roger were going to love him.

The day came to leave the hospital and, though my heart ached to leave Ryan there, I knew that he was going to be well taken care of and this was the plan I felt was best.

Adopting Without Debt

2011-10-03T07:00:00.001-04:00

Have you ever wondered how in the world you can afford adoption? How you can bring a child into your family without going into debt? There is a wonderful new book out, written by adoptive mom, Julie Gumm, that it is simply called Adopt without Debt.

In her book, Julie shares her family’s journey to bring two children home from Ethiopia. She talks about how to “find” extra money for your adoption; she gives fundraising ideas and encourages the reader to explore available grants. If money is stopping you from pursuing your dream of adoption, or is a worry and concern to you on the adoption journey, I would encourage you to pick up a copy of this book.

A couple of months ago, Julie was interviewed on The Dave Ramsey Show. Listen to the interview to learn more about how you too might be able to afford adoption and to gain some creative ideas for adoption fund raising.

~By Rachel Curley, FLS Adoption Caseworker

Friday's Featured Family: Brandon & Hannah

2011-09-30T07:00:00.002-04:00

Friday's Featured Family: Brandon & Hannah
Married since 2003
Reside in North Carolina
Brandon's Occupation: Plumber/Business Owner
Hannah's Occupation: Baker/Works from Home Kitchen

Brandon & Hannah are a fun-loving & active couple who enjoy spending time together. They enjoy a variety of activities such as hiking, skiing, and camping, but also enjoy relaxing on the porch swing. They love the outdoors and try to lead a simple life, even though it can still be busy, at times. They see life with a sense of humor and think of it as an adventure. They look forward to the future, knowing that it is in God's hands.

Ten Random Facts About Brandon & Hannah:

They live close to their extended family with most of the parents, grandparents, and sisters living within 30 miles of them and they visit often. They also have family out-of-state, but they keep in close contact and visit throughout the year.
Their best date ever was their 3rd date when they spontaneously took off to the mountains for a fun day trip.
They met 9 years ago in a coffee shop and married the following year.
One of Brandon's best friends was adopted as a baby, and they have friends and family who have adopted children whom their child will grow up with and know.
They will tell a child his or her adoption story early in their life, like a bedtime story, so that the child will always know about the birth family and how they came into the adoptive family.
Their favorite fun activity is being on a ski boat in the middle of the lake on a hot day.
They love all kinds of food but pizza is the all-time favorite. They could just about eat it every day without any complaints!
One thing Brandon likes about living with Hannah is that she is a great cook and makes wonderful home cooked meals.
One thing Hannah likes about living with Brandon is that he does such a good job with their finances, keeping the bills and making sure that they are financially stable.

Following an adoption, Hannah plans to be a stay-at-home mom and is looking forward to it.

If you would like more information about any of our waiting adoptive families, please contact Family Life Services at FLS@liberty.edu.

Cameron's Story: 16 & Pregnant - Part 2

2011-09-28T06:30:00.003-04:00

FLS Birthmom, Cameron, has graciously allowed us to follow along as she shares her personal journey of teenage pregnancy. If you haven't been following along, make sure to go back to read Part 1. Her story is one of intense emotion, struggling faith, and ultimate victory.

Later that week, I had an appointment with the woman who would be my social worker. Ugh. I walked in Deanne’s office and she greeted me with this bright smile. How could someone be so happy about seeing a pregnant kid? “Hi Cameron, I’m Deanne. We are going to be working together and I will be here to help in any way I can”. She wanted to talk with me about the pros and cons of parenting and adoption. An hour or so later I walked back to my room at the Godparent Home. That night I laid in my bed and prayed. I will give God one more shot. I still didn’t hear anything. The next day I went back to Deanne’s office and sat down. She wanted to show me portfolios of different families who were waiting to adopt a child. She informed me that in no way was she trying to push me to place this child for adoption but she wanted to provide me with information on the adoption process so I could make an educated decision. I eventually ended up picking two families to interview just to get a feel of some couples wanting to adopt and to hear their stories. This would at least give me the opportunity to explore the thought of adoption. However, I still wasn’t convinced.

I eventually ended up leaving the Godparent Home to return to live with my family in Virginia, but agreed to continue meet with my caseworker at Family Life Services so I could come up with a plan for myself and my child – whatever that may be.

During the course of counseling, my dad and I attended an adoption event, hosted by the agency, and I was anxious to speak to two prospective couples that I thought I might like. I knew that they may have their hopes up and I didn’t want to let them down. We were standing in the corner waiting for the right time to visit with the first couple when I heard a boisterous laugh from across the room. I saw a red headed woman who had an infectious smile and a southern accent that reminded me so much of my mom. I smiled. I wanted to speak with her. She had me intrigued. I wanted to know more about this woman. I asked Deanne “Is there any way I can change my mind on the couples I want to try to talk with? I want to interview that lady.” “Sure” Deanne said. “I will see what I can do.”

I was able to sit down with the couple, who introduced themselves as Roger and Pat. They began to explain their journey and dreams of having their own child. They had a rough time with trying to conceive. My heart went out to Pat because here I was - sixteen, pregnant and trying to figure out what to do with a baby. Pat had tried for so long and it never happened. At that point, I felt God tugging at my heart. I knew for sure, right then, that I wanted to provide this joy to someone who was so deserving and could provide a life I couldn’t for my son.

I told Deanne that I didn’t want to interview with anyone else. My dad and I left and I said to him - “They’re it”! My dad smiled and said - “I thought the same thing”. During our ride home, I felt at ease. I had a huge sense of relief and was able to breathe again. My dad was right, I would hear God if I seek Him. He was there and He never left or forgot me. “Thank you Lord” - I thought. From that point on God let me know that this was not MY child.

I Love Adoption Print - The R House Couture

2011-09-26T07:00:00.007-04:00

I am a huge fan of high quality, specialty, adoption items and The R House Couture has been on the top of my list of favorite retailers this year. They make adorable adoption-themed t-shirts & onesies, custom silver jewelry, and now have some adoption prints available.

The 8 x 10 I Love Adoption Print pictured above caught my eye this week as it would fit in nicely with a modern home decor, would look great in an adopted child's bedroom, or would be a fantastic addition to a photo-collage frame created for a birth parent for a holiday gift!

Head on over to their shop and choose some meaningful and beautiful gifts to get a jump on the shopping season...you won't be disappointed.

Friday's Featured Family - Intro

2011-09-23T10:02:00.000-04:00

Family Life Services will soon be dedicating our Friday blog posts to families - specifically, hopeful couples who wish to adopt a child into their family. We are going to be featuring some of the couples in our domestic infant adoption program who are working with our agency toward an adoption. All of the families who work with our agency are Christian families who have met the Adoption Standards of their state of residence and of our private adoption agency. I might be biased, but I think that the families we have are the "cream of the crop"!

So, why start to feature prospective adoptive families on this blog? It's for a variety of reasons:

1) For blog readers to see the diversity of families available within our agency,

2) For this to be another networking tool for hopeful adoptive families as other agencies or individuals may stumble upon their information and feel like they fit an adoption situation outside of FLS, and

3) For those of you who have perhaps walked through the waiting phase of the journey of adoption or those of you who have a heart for adoption to pray for the couples, very specifically, who are working with FLS that God would fulfill His will in their lives.

Will you be one who dedicates to pray for these waiting families as we begin Friday's Featured Family?

Cameron's Story: 16 & Pregnant - Part 1

2011-09-21T16:49:00.000-04:00

Over the next several weeks - we have the privilege of sharing with you "Cameron's Story". She is one of the birth moms who placed her son with Roger & Pat, who were recently featured in this blog post. Cameron has graciously allowed us to follow along as she shares her personal journey of teenage pregnancy. Her story will be broken up into several parts, that will be posted every Wednesday. Her story is one of intense emotion, struggling faith, and ultimate victory.

We have all heard or seen the show Sixteen and Pregnant. In my opinion, the show seems to glorify the fact of being pregnant at sixteen or sometimes even younger. It portrays stories of young girls who discover they are pregnant and the process of their pregnancy. Most of the girls are excited to be pregnant and can’t wait to be a mom. I have to say, personally, I didn’t experience the same feelings. I never once felt excited to be pregnant, I never dreamed of being a teenage mother, I never fantasized about showing my child off to my friends in name brand clothing or thought about how great it would be to have a baby of my own. In fact it was quite opposite. I was scared and ashamed. My journey was completely different - here is my story.

Sixteen. Pregnant. This can’t be. When I wake up tomorrow this will be just a nightmare. But I never woke up from it. What am I going to do? How can I tell my family? My dad is going to be so angry. I will be grounded for life. This wasn’t supposed to happen like this. But it was my reality. My dad always taught me to wait until marriage. I was terrified.

I continued my daily life, hiding my secret from my friends and church family. I wouldn’t go to church because I couldn’t face God. What about abortion? That’s my easy way out. Yeah, that’s what I will do. That’s the best idea. I will be free of all this and can move on. I came to my dad and informed him of my decision. I didn’t expect the reaction I got, considering Dad was just as embarrassed as I was. I heard these words - “No way. You are not getting an abortion. That is a life inside of you and you will not murder an innocent child. I did not raise you to take the easy way out and I will not condone you sinning against the Lord.” What? No. He was wrong. I can’t believe he said that. Fine. I will figure out a way to get this done on my own.

Later that week my dad approached me and said that we were going for a ride. Where does he plan on taking me? Baby shopping? It was a long drive of silence to Lynchburg, VA. We pulled into the parking lot. Where are we? What is this? We walked through the door of the Godparent Home and were greeted by a lady who led us to her office. I looked around and noticed that this was a home for pregnant teens. My dad was forcing me to move in here? It’s not fair. No. I am not staying here. Unfortunately, I didn’t have much choice. I was still a minor and this is what my Dad thought was best. So...here I am in my new home for the next seven months. Great. Thanks a lot Dad. Thanks for the “support”.

A few days passed and I hated the place. I refused to make friends and, for the most part, I kept to myself. I realized that I wasn’t going to get my abortion and I was stuck with a baby. I attended many lectures about being a parent and adoption. I can’t give my child up. This is my blood. I would never. These people are crazy. There has to be another way out of this.

My dad came up to visit because he wanted to talk in person. He sat me down in a quiet room and explained to me that he wanted me to pray over this. He begged me to seek God. “Just give Him a chance Cameron. For me please”. Fine. What was it going to hurt? After all, I had plenty of time on my hands. So I began to pray every night. I never heard a word and He still wasn’t helping me.

Remember to check back in with The Journey of Adoption next Wednesday to read more of Cameron's Story.

From Adopted Person to Adoptive Mom: Mary Hiatt's Story

2011-09-16T06:00:00.002-04:00

A Birthmother's Post-Adoption Grief

2011-09-13T14:06:00.000-04:00

Every birthmother & birthfather experiences grief and loss when choosing to make an adoption plan. Although the general stages of grief can be applied to each situation, every individual moves through the stages in a unique way and on a different timeline. One FLS birthmother has chosen to share some of her feelings during a difficult moment in the process, to allow others to empathize with the normal feelings that birthparents must experience to get through the grieving process.

There are many days I question myself. Lately, I have been in a bad mood and just not really wanting to talk to anyone. I feel as if no one understands what I have been through. FLS told us we would go through many different feelings of loss after placement, but I really didn’t think that would happen to me.

I knew what I did was right! Then, I started seeing other young girls around me who were able to take care of their baby...why couldn’t I?

I started to doubt my decision. I didn’t really want to talk to the adoptive family anymore. They were happy...and I wasn’t. I started to get upset that they had MY baby until I realized these things - I barely have money to put gas in my car, pay for my car and now pay for school. How on earth do I think I could support a baby!? How would I be able to pay for diapers, formula, and clothes and still support myself? I told myself when I was pregnant, “I WILL NOT rely on my parents to support me!” Yet, that’s exactly what I would be doing if I was parenting a baby right now.

So, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I go to the box where I have kept everything the adoptive family has given to me. I start reading EVERY card they have ever sent to me and look at all the pictures they given me and think to myself - “My baby girl is happier and better taken care of then I could ever have done myself at this point in my life.” I know this will not be the end of my hard days but I know that...in the end…I made the right decision.

Here's a great article to help you understand more about Birth Parent Loss and Grief.

Interest Free Adoption Loans

2011-09-09T13:20:00.000-04:00

You may already be aware of the opportunity for Christian families to apply for interest-free adoption loans through the Abba Fund. After my recent conversation with a representative of that organization, I feel that it is a great time to remind you of this organization and the help that it could potentially provide for your family’s adoption plans. God has blessed this organization immensely since it was founded and they are able to help many Christian adoptive families overcome the financial barriers of adoption to build their family. Now is a great time to make application if you’ve considered it!

The ministry is Biblically based and strict in their guidelines for applicants in regard to Christian faith. The Abba Fund has been able to grant interest-free loans to several families in the amount of $5,000 to $7,000. If you feel that you may be good candidates for application, please visit their website for more information and specifically read FAQ's.

If you choose to apply, I would advise you to be very thorough in your application answers so they have a clear understanding of your family’s make-up, Christian faith, and financial need. It is better to write too much than too little as the application is the Abba Fund’s only opportunity to assess your candidacy for financial assistance.

Another organization that is very similar to the Abba Fund is Pathways for Little Feet and I would encourage you to look at their information as well. I trust that this information can be a help and an encouragement to you as you continue on your adoption journey!

God Is Able...But What If He Chooses Not To Deliver You?

2011-09-06T10:30:00.000-04:00

Recently, I had a conversation with the adoptive mom of a precious child with significant medical needs. Our conversation was centered around the child's intense desire and prayers for healing in his body, but the struggle with the reality that God hasn't chosen to heal him, to date. Does this make God unfair, unjust, unloving, or unable?

This conversation has stuck with me for several days as I've pondered the difficult task that these parents have been entrusted with - to help their child understand that God is still loving, kind, gracious, and merciful in the midst of unexplainable illness and difficulty.

Imagine my surprise when I was sitting in church yesterday morning and heard the message text pulled from Daniel 3. A familiar passage about the fiery furnace and how God delivered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. It was verses 17 & 18 that really got me, "...our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

God is able - that is pure truth. But sometimes He chooses to deliver us from our circumstances and sometimes He chooses not to. This is when our faith is truly tested.

Will we only put our trust in Him when He answers our prayers in the way that we want Him to?

Are we willing to put our unconditional faith and trust in Him because He knows the future and He knows what is best?

Goodsearch - There's No Reason Not To!

2011-09-01T12:02:00.000-04:00

Here's an easy way to raise money for the pro-life efforts of Family Life Services - Liberty Godparent Home. Just start using Yahoo! powered GoodSearch.com as your computer's home page & search engine and they'll donate about a penny to your designated cause every time you do a search!

In addition, do all of your shopping through their online shopping mall, GoodShop.com, where you can shop at more than 2,400 top online retailers and a percentage of your purchases will go to the charity or school of your choice. You pay the same price as you normally would, but a donation goes to your cause!

The best part is - this fundraiser doesn't cost you a thing! However, the benefits add up quickly if people commit to including GoodSearch.com and GoodShop.com for everyday computer use! In the last 2 weeks, I have earned almost $5.00 for FLS.

There's a new feature on the home page where you can register as a supporter and it will track your individual earnings for your cause in real time. It's motivating when you can see that you are making a difference.

If you download the custom toolbar for Family Life Services, you'll be sure to never miss a donation available for an online purchase because a box will show up for you to accept the contribution, regardless of whether you navigated to the store through Goodshop or not!

As Christmas approaches and shopping increases - please consider supporting us in this unique and easy way!

1 Adoptive Family + 2 Birth Families = Summer Vacation Memories

2011-08-26T13:33:00.000-04:00

FLS Adoptive Family, Roger & Pat, pictured above with children Ryan & Morgan. We asked them to share about their summer vacation plans which included a road trip to visit both of their children's birth mothers. Pictures with members of Morgan's birth family & Ryan's birth family are below the story. This is one adoptive family who has prioritized keeping adoption connections intact for their family. Enjoy!

My husband, Roger, and I adopted our daughter, Morgan, and son, Ryan, through Family Life Services eight years ago. We chose to have an open adoption with their birth mothers. I look at these young women as our heroes because they sacrificed so much to make sure their babies had two Christian parents.

We live in Tennessee, and our children’s birth mothers live in Pennsylvania and Virginia. Open adoption has been a wonderful experience for us because we have been honest with each other about our feelings and expectations. Even though we wish we could see each other more often, we try to get together every two to three years. We all have had the experience of people being astonished by our relationship. Some people say they can’t believe that we would let our children’s birth moms be a part of their lives and others tell the birth moms they can’t believe that we would let them see the child they gave birth to. It’s hard for me to understand their concerns, as I’ve always believed that no one can have too many people loving them.

This year, we used our vacation to see these special women. Following a two-day drive, we made it to Pennsylvania to spend a day with Heidi, Morgan’s birth mother, and her two children, Joshua and Hannah. Morgan knew Joshua, but was so excited to meet her half-biological sister, Hannah, who is three years old. Morgan is a caregiver, so she wanted to carry Hannah around all day. It was too cute. What a fabulous day we had watching the children play and interact. Of course, we took lots of photos. It was so natural and comfortable, like visiting with family. For me, it was really special to see Morgan and Heidi together. Even though Morgan doesn’t have a complete understanding of it all, I could tell she felt a connection with Heidi, which I am thrilled about.

We then saw the patriotic things on vacation: Gettysburg, Statue of Liberty, World Trade Center Memorial Preview Center, and Liberty Bell. After that we headed for Lynchburg to visit Rose, Deanne and Janelle at Family Life Services. Morgan and Ryan were so excited to find their placement photo pages in the agency scrapbooks. I showed Morgan where Roger held her for the first time and where I changed her diaper for the first time. And we showed Ryan where we saw him for the first time; where we held and fed him for the first time. They loved hearing those stories. Janelle even gave us a tour of the Godparent Home so Morgan could see where Heidi lived when she was pregnant with her. That home is simply beautiful and has been a blessing to so many girls.

We ended our vacation by spending a day with Cameron, Ryan’s birth mom, and her son, Aaron, at a children’s museum. The boys clicked right away and they were so cute together. Since Aaron is only 4 years old, Ryan and Morgan felt the need to “take care” of him. It was incredible seeing them together. I loved watching Cameron watch Ryan. She loves him so much and we love her. We have such a mutual admiration for each other. That night Cameron and I took the children swimming at the hotel pool. We had a great time catching up with each other and I learned more about how she chose us. It seems my laugh and southern accent had something to do with her decision to interview us.

However, when all is said and done, it was God that put us all together. I’m so thankful for these wonderful women who allowed the Lord to use them to build our family and answer our prayers. Roger and I heard from the Lord many years ago that we would be parents, but we didn’t know how. God blessed us over and beyond what we prayed for or expected when He chose us to be Morgan and Ryan’s Momma and Daddy.

Adoption is not a Snapshot, It is a Moving Picture

2011-08-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

Today, I'm reminded that I am a work in progress. I have not arrived, do not know all the answers, and am in a constant state of learning....learning about myself, about others, about adoption, about working with people, about relating to people, and the list goes on and on and on. Although we strive to "arrive" at the place where we have put the learning process behind us (which includes many "passes" and "failures") - it continues.

It makes me think of an analogy that I heard about several years ago relating to adoption.

Adoption is not a snapshot, it is a moving picture.

It's not a one-time event that takes place and then adoption is never thought of again. Adoption remains a part of an individual and family's make-up through the years and it, also, grows and changes with the various seasons of life.

That is why it is so important, not only to prepare yourselves as adoptive parents and birth parents prior to adoption, but to continue a commitment to lifelong learning about various ideas relating to adoption. What may not apply to your current situation now, may be helpful in the future. There are so many books, webinars, online classes, seminars, etc. available for adoption help through the years, but it is each individual person's responsibility to take advantage of the opportunities in front of us. Will you accept the challenge?

Forgiveness

2011-08-16T10:50:00.001-04:00

Forgiveness. It’s something that we all need at different times in our lives - okay, every day if we are honest. The road to forgiveness can be difficult, whether it is forgiving others or forgiving ourselves.

This book, by one of my favorite authors, Karen Kingsbury, shares the difficult story of a young couple who live with a choice they made secretly as teenagers. Join them in Shades of Blue on their journey to work through their past and find true forgiveness.

~Rachel Curley, Adoption Caseworker

Fresh Air Fund: 200 Host Families Still Needed

2011-08-02T15:05:00.000-04:00

Are you longing to share your home with a child and waiting to adopt? Here's a wonderful opportunity for you to invest in the life of a child! The Fresh Air Fund is still looking for 200 families to host an inner-city child for a week and share your family, home and experiences with them. They need to find families this week and are specifically looking for families in the 13 Northeastern United States (starting with Virginia and heading up the coast). You would have the opportunity to host boys or girls, ages 6 to 18, who are anxious to spend time with a family in the country or the suburbs. Think about it....could this be a meaningful way for you to invest in a child while you wait to expand your family?

Honest Thoughts from a Birth Father

2011-07-28T14:38:00.001-04:00

There are books, blogs, articles, discussion boards and documentaries about the experience of adoption for birth mothers and adoptive families...but where are the birth father voices? Sadly, the resources available to help us understand their experience are so limited that they are almost non-existent.

Last year, I came across the blog of a birth father who was willing to open up and share his perspective on his recent open adoption experience. Referring to himself as "I Am" (pictured above), he honestly and openly shares about the good, the bad, and the difficult thoughts and feelings associated with his adoption experience. The below post is shared with permission - check out the rest of his blog called Statistically Impossible.
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I'm to visit my son tomorrow. It will be the first visit in quite a while. Last month Athena and I were both ill and desperately needed time to recover. Our previous visit had been near the beginning of the month. This visit, obviously near the end of the month, marks the end of nearly three months without visitation. In short, it's been too long. When last we were to see Festus he had developed a vocabulary of about eight words. I don't know what I'll encounter when I see him tomorrow. The truth is this visit has been filling me with some dread.

My son is talking. He is able to communicate. Quickly he'll be developing the ability to create complex ideas and in just a few short years he'll be regularly delving into abstraction. I shudder at this. I haven't had the chance to be proud as I haven't seen it yet. Had you asked me a year ago how I'd feel about this I'd have been happy and delighted to finally be able to communicate with him in ways that I can understand. Now I am terrified of two monosyllables; "why", and "no".

"Why". Why did Athena and I place him into the only home he knows? Why didn't we parent him? Why do we feel the way we do about children and, thus, him? These are all questions that I've answered theoretically to myself and many, many other people. But they have a different ring when I can see the face and hear the voice that they matter to the most.

"No". No, you don't have the right to be in my life anymore. No I will not accept a relationship with you. I don't believe your answers to my questions. They aren't good enough. They don't make enough sense. They hurt me too much. You have hurt me too much. I know I'm putting words into his mouth. I know he may not say some, or possibly any of these things to me or Athena. But I am very good at playing the "Worst Case Scenario" game. In most of my worst imaginings the apocalypse is a welcome reprieve.

The real point is that I now see that I will actually have to face what my son has to say about his experience. Again, theoretically I have done this and made my peace with it. But as any parent, birth-, adoptive-, step-, foster-, grand-, or traditional, can attest children have a way of jarring you despite your best plans and preparations. This is often a good thing. Children are excellent at living in their present experience and frequently call us to do the same. Frankly many adults, myself especially, can use all the help we can get in that regard. But there are still times when that notion is rather terrifying. My hope is that tomorrow I will be in the present instead of worrying about some dreadful confrontation with my son that may never occur. I hope he can help pull me into the present, so when I hear him speak for the first time, he is all I hear.

Social Media Tips for Connecting with Prospective Birth Parents

2011-07-26T14:39:00.000-04:00

Dawn Davenport with Creating a Family has many great resources available for adoptive families during the pre-adoption and post-adoption phase of building a family. Take some time to look at their website to find up-to-date information about domestic & international adoption. This video seems to go along with our recent post about how to harnass the positives of social networking to assist in your adoption journey and give some practical advice about things to avoid.

Could that be my Birthmom on Facebook?

2011-07-18T14:04:00.000-04:00

Most of us realize that social networking sites like Facebook, Myspace and now Google+ have brought a new level of thinking when we consider our own personal privacy and ability to remain anonymous in a world where everyone appears to connect. The six degrees of separation seems to make more and more sense!

For those connected through adoption, it is certainly a convenient and savvy way for birth parents and adoptive families to link and have direct communication. However, depending on the situation, there are positives and negatives to diving into communication in such a way.

Children who were adopted 20, 30, and 40 years ago may find themselves searching for members of their birth family or being contacted by members of the birth family. This issue becomes increasingly complex when the adoptive family has chosen not to share a child's adoption story with them, which was an accepted practice many years ago, or when the birth mother or birth father has chosen to keep their adoption plan confidential.

The Today Show did an excellent story with Dr. Adam Pertman discussing issues that arise pertaining to Facebook and social networking (video below). For adoptive parents, it can only enforce the importance of total and complete honesty with kids about their adoption story.

Think about this...if you don't give them information in an age-appropriate way, are you comfortable with it coming from someone else?

For more insights into how Facebook impacts adoption visit the following: The Impact of Social Networking on Domestic Adoption and Webinar: Is That My Birth Mom on Facebook?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Blessings from Unexpected Places

2011-07-12T13:11:00.001-04:00

If you listen to a local Christian radio station, you have undoubtedly heard a song called “Blessings” by Laura Story played over the last month or two. Recently, this song was shared between a birth mother and an adoptive mother and then later played at their adoption placement celebration.

May it be an encouragement to you wherever you are in your journey - a reminder that God is working and His desire is to bless you.

~Rachel Curley, FLS, Adoption Caseworker

Happy Adoption Day, Abrianna!

2011-07-01T15:11:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, May 10th was a sweet placement day as adoptive family, Scott & Beth, adopted their first child - a daughter - named Abrianna Neva. From the time that Abrianna's birth mother, Amanda, selected Scott and Beth to parent this precious little baby, the birth mother and adoptive family began to form a bond that has continued to grow. Placement days are often filled with both tears of joy and tears of sadness and yet, ultimately, the birth family and adoptive family had an incredible peace that this moment was a part of God's plan for both of their lives.

It was our joy to celebrate this memorable day with the adoptive family and birth family - Happy Adoption Day, Abrianna! You can find a slideshow of more images from placement here.

Infertility & Some Gentle Reminders

2011-06-24T10:00:00.000-04:00

Whether we realize it or not, couples dealing with the pain and uncertainty of infertility are everywhere around us. We don't often stop to think about it because it is often a very private struggle that is shared with only one's closest friends, if it's shared at all.

The point that I really want to make today is this - we never know what couples are dealing with. So often we find ourselves joking around or making thoughtless comments to couples because we assume that they aren't dealing with infertility.

We don't know...we just assume that they aren't because we haven't been told otherwise.

How many times have you uttered these words: Isn't it about time for you to have a baby? You're not getting any younger, you know, when are you going to start having kids? Don't you want to have children? Don't you want more children? Why haven't you had children yet?

For those who have never brushed the issue of infertility, they can't imagine how a seemingly innocent question can cause so much hurt and refresh the tears of disappointment. Surprisingly, I have even heard adoptive families ask the same questions, not ever thinking about the possibility that their question could be offensive, and I wonder if they have forgotten what that felt like years ago.

I don't believe that people who ask such questions realize that they could be hurtful, I simply think that they have never thought about it and area unaware of the possible effects of such personal inquiries. My challenge today is simple - let's erase these invasive questions from our vocabulary and leave the ideas of whether to build a family, when to build a family, and how to build a family to the individuals around us and create an atmosphere of support for our friends when they do share personal struggles.

Find support for couples dealing with infertility at Resolve and Pregnant with Hope.

Talking Adoption With Your Children

2011-06-22T08:00:00.002-04:00

So many adoptive parents believe that it is best to talk about adoption with their children from the time that they're tiny infants...but they are paralyzed with fear. How do you start the conversation? What is appropriate for a certain age? How do I become comfortable introducing terminology like birth parents and adoptive parents? What books can I use?

Sherrie Eldridge provides personal and practical advice for adoptive parents trying to navigate these waters, that often seem unclear in this short video clip. Sherrie's website is a great resource for adoptive parents and adopted individuals as well. The Facebook forum for 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed is moderated by her and is also a good source of online information and support.

Life...Imagine the Potential

2011-06-19T22:00:00.001-04:00

Father's Day Frosty Weekend - Treat It Forward!

2011-06-14T15:10:00.000-04:00

Has the summer heat gotten you in the mood for a cool treat? Wendy's has your answer this week with Father's Day Frosty Weekend! For every frosty you purchase on Saturday or Sunday (June 18 & 19), Wendy's will donate 50 cents to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, which provides funding to help the more than 150,000 U.S. children in foster care find forever families.

Donations will also be made if you send one of these free father's day cards, use #treatitforward on your tweets, or share the Treat it Forward message through Facebook!

Celebrating Dads

2011-06-10T15:32:00.000-04:00

Father's Day is soon approaching - June 19th. That gives you just a little over a week to pick out the new polo shirt, neck-tie, candy, golf balls, or gift certificate that has become our standard of saying "I love you"!

No doubt, fathers are to be celebrated and have a unique job description that is just as important, but different, than that of a mother. There seems to be less emphasis on the emotions that surround Father's Day for men who are waiting to become fathers (through adoption) or men who have made the decision to place a child for adoption with another family.

The reality is - men have feelings too. Although they don't display feelings, hurts, and disappointments as openly as women tend to do, that doesn't mean that the feelings aren't there. If you are an adoptive family and you have the privilege of having communication with your child's birth father, take a moment to remember him in a special way next weekend. It can be as simple as having your child color him a picture, sending him a photograph, or sending a card to let him know that you haven't forgotten about him.

If you don't have contact with your child's birth father, Father's Day may be a good opportunity to talk with your child about his or her birth father and share the information that you do know about him in an age-appropriate way. A great children's book about talking to children about birth parents, when information may not be available, is Forever Fingerprints by Sherrie Eldridge.

For more thoughts on birth fathers and Father's day see When is Birth Father's Day?

A God Who Waits

2011-06-06T16:32:00.000-04:00

This guest post was written and submitted by a couple in the FLS domestic adoption program who are waiting to adopt a child. Their hope is that this may be an encouragement to other waiting families as they share what they are learning through this time of waiting.

Waiting. For some, the word “waiting” may conjure up images of long grocery store lines or traffic jams. Maybe it brings to mind time spent in a crowded doctor’s office. It might cause you to reflect on some long-hoped for event. Waiting is something we often reluctantly endure rather than patiently embrace.

Our journey to bring children into our home has granted us multiple opportunities to wait. In our more faithful moments we have asked God, “What do you want us to learn from this? What do we do with this time of waiting?” There have certainly been times when these are not the questions we have asked of God. As the Psalmist, we have cried “Oh God, where is your provision?”

At a recent point in our journey a realization came. God isn’t asking anything of us that He doesn’t experience daily. Is our God not a God who waits? Does God not wait for His children to be brought home? Many are those who are blessed because our God is acquainted with waiting, patiently.

“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:8-9). God’s mercy is new every morning. In the overflow of God’s mercy and grace, He is waiting on humanity. He waits for the day when His kingdom will come in its fullness and in all its glory. He is waiting for us. He waits when we choose lesser things over His best for us. He waits for us to fully surrender ourselves to Him. He waits for us to tell the story of His rule and reign through our lives and at times even through our waiting.

It is comforting and humbling to know that God understands what waiting is all about and does not ask us to endure what He is not acquainted with. That perspective gives us strength and hope. It provides us with a small glimpse of Gods character. Our God, a God of no boundaries and infinite power, submits Himself to waiting…and we are the ones who benefit.

So many times, in the midst of waiting, we can only see our own trials and difficulties. This limited perspective fosters discouragement. Instead, as we wait, may we remember that we are not alone. Our God is familiar with waiting. In fact, He has had more practice at it than we have!

Perhaps this time of waiting is not a curse but a gift. Perhaps God is teaching us about Himself.

May you be blessed in your time of waiting.

Happy Adoption Day, Steve and Corey!

2011-06-03T15:37:00.000-04:00

Steve and Corey were working with Family Life Services from the summer of 2010, hoping to adopt an infant into their family. They took advantage of the opportunity to network with their home study agency, Jewish Family Services, to increase their chances of receiving a placement. They were not only given the chance to adopt a baby from JFS, but received a placement of precious twin baby girls - Ava Grace and Olivia Rose!

We are celebrating this double blessing along with proud parents, Steve and Corey! You never know what avenue may lead to building your family - if you are willing to open many doors. Happy Adoption Day, Sweet Girls!

A Caseworker's View of the Local Colors Festival - Roanoke, VA

2011-05-26T09:24:00.000-04:00

Our guest blogger is Rachel Curley, FLS Adoption Caseworker! Rachel has worked in our office for two years and has prior experience providing foster care for children in Thailand.

This past Saturday, I made a drive to Roanoke to attend the Local Colors Festival for the first time. I wasn’t sure what to expect, if I would be bored after an hour or wish I could stay for an hour more. I am happy to tell you that the latter was true! It was truly a wonderful celebration of cultural diversity!

After parking nearby, my friends and I walked toward Elmwood Park and were immediately greeted by a beautiful sight, delicious smells, and a sound I love! We saw people from a myriad of backgrounds, of all colors, and sizes. We breathed in the delicious smells of food from around the world and heard any number of languages being spoken around us. We slowly walked past stands selling Indian curries, fresh gyros, lamb kabobs, Thai noodles, Baklava, and of course the all American hamburgers and hotdogs! It would be impossible to leave this place hungry!

Next we wandered down a row of little booths selling jewelry, t-shirts, and various other trinkets. After buying more food then we could possibly eat, we settled down in front of the large outdoor stage and watched various performances from around the world. Everything from Brazilian martial arts, to zumba dancing with audience participation, to Chinese dragons kept our attention as we sat out on the lawn and enjoyed our feast. A day well spent! Hope to see you there next year!!

To learn more about the Local Colors Festival visit their website and make your calendars for the 2012 festival!

El Roi - The God Who Sees Me

2011-05-19T07:00:00.001-04:00

Have you ever felt alone or feel like no one understands you or your situation? You can be surrounded by a stream of people and feel completely alone.

Personally, I sometimes feel this way and what really lightens my spirit is knowing this truth - God sees me and He knows everything about me. El Roi in Hebrew means “the God who sees me”. Find comfort in remembering, when you feel lonely, that God sees everything and knows everything.

Scripture makes it clear that God never slumbers, never looks one way while we head off in another, and never misses a millisecond of what is happening on earth because he wants to strengthen our hearts as we serve him. Be encouraged, friends, God sees and He knows whatever you're going through today.

Written by Erica Dogini, FLS Caseworker

Celebrate Diversity at the Local Colors Festival - May 21, 2011

2011-05-16T09:50:00.000-04:00

For those of you in Central or Southwest Virginia, you will not want to miss the Local Colors Annual Festival this Saturday, May 21st, from 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. at Elmwood Park in Roanoke, Virginia. This celebration of cultural diversity is free and provides entertainment and a learning opportunity for the whole family. Representatives from more than 90 countries showcase foods, music, clothing, crafts, games and displays. There is a Parade of Nations and the festival features Egypt this year!

Free parking is available in Downtown Roanoke and you will want to bring a blanket or lawn chairs for enjoying the entertainment all afternoon on the main stage. Don't miss this celebration of the cultural and ethnic diversity in the Roanoke area! For more information about cultural events throughout the year, visit the Local Colors Facebook Page.

A Key Component of Positive Adoption Communication

2011-05-13T13:46:00.000-04:00

Adoptive families and birth families, alike, are often searching for the “secret” to building a great relationship with one another. Because there are so many factors that contribute to how a relationship unfolds and develops, there isn’t one formula that produces the outcome that everyone desires. However, even with the unique differences of relationships, there is one common denominator that I have observed to be so important for the positive growth of an adoption relationship. It is simply this – respond.

It is an impossible feat to try to build a relationship with someone if you’re the only one communicating. That is not to say that you must always respond with a lengthy, hand-written letter or that you must respond within 1 week of receiving communication from the other party. But, there is so much to be said for an acknowledgement that you received what was sent and that you were glad to hear from the other person.

You can imagine a birth mother or birth father’s disappointment if he or she sends a lifebook to the adoptive family, graduation pictures, a gift for the child, or a letter telling the family about an exciting opportunity he or she has been given…only to hear nothing on the other end. This simple lack of acknowledgement can breed feelings of doubt, discouragement, and disappointment. In a similar manner, I have heard many birth families and adoptive families talk about plans to open the adoption, all state that this is their desire and they are comfortable doing so, and then no movement toward completing this task is pursued on the part of the adoptive family.

This intentional or unintentional delay often prompts questions of whether the family really meant what they said, if they have some problem or issue with the birth family, or if they will really follow through on their word. Often, these kinds of delays produce issues where there were no issues present. But, time and a lack of response creep in and begin to plant seeds of disillusionment in the birth family.

Adoptive families who are faithful with sending pictures, updates, and letters can easily become discouraged if they don’t ever hear from the birth family. They wonder if the pictures are helpful, if they are sending the “right” pictures, if they are sending too many or not enough, etc. A lot of time and effort goes into adoptive families choosing the best pictures from their collection to send to the birth family and it is important to respond and let them know if you look forward to getting the updates and cherish them.

We all have busy lives and schedules and, I believe that, a short email saying “thank you” or an explanation such as “we received your letter/gift/etc. and I’m not able to sit down and write a long update now, but I will be sure to send you one soon” goes a long way. Even this simple response, eliminates the questions that can be detrimental to the relationship moving forward. I want to encourage you to make this a priority to respond within a reasonable time frame to keep the lines of communication open and grow your relationship in a positive direction.

Adoptive Families - A Lifelong Adoption Resource

2011-05-11T10:53:00.001-04:00

Our guest blogger is Rachel Curley, FLS Adoption Caseworker! Rachel has worked in our office for two years and has prior experience providing foster care for children in Thailand.

I want to take a moment to tell you about my favorite adoption website. That’s right, my favorite! There is a lot of information out there on the internet to weed through. You might ask yourself how do I know this is accurate information or that this is really what adoption looks like.

I would encourage you to check out, Adoptive Families, the online adoption and parenting guide that has provided trusted adoption information and inspiration to families for over 30 years. Their website is comprised of articles and information put together by the experts in the field, adoptive parents, adoptees, birth parents, and adoption professionals such as adoption attorneys, doctors, and social workers. This site offers a wealth of insightful, thought provoking information about adoption.

You will find articles about the home study process, naming your child, communicating with birthparents, talking about adoption, and the list goes on. Whether you are just getting started on the journey of adoption, or you adopted fifteen years ago, you will find something to speak to where you are at on this website.

Join the conversations with Adoptive Families on Facebook, Adoptive Families Circle - their social networking website, and Twitter too!

Happy Adoption Day, Isabella Mia!

2011-05-05T12:59:00.000-04:00

We finally have pictures from our placement on April 6, 2011 of Baby Isabella Mia to share! Adoptive parents, Mike & Bettina, celebrated the adoption of their first child at FLS with Isabella's birthmother. The birth family connected with the adoptive family because of similar backgrounds and a shared love for spending time with family. Due to confidentiality, pictures of the birth family will not be shared.

View more pictures at Happy Adoption Day, Isabella Mia!

Happy Adoption Day, Josiah Evan-Ioan!

2011-05-02T14:43:00.000-04:00

Placement day for Josiah Evan-Ioan was long anticipated by both his birthmother, Rose, and his new adoptive parents, Daniel & Erin! Friday, April 29, 2011 was a celebration of a new beginning and also of God's faithfulness to each person in attendance.

When the birthmother and adoptive family met, it was evident that both were on a journey that had not always been easy, but they had chosen to put their faith in a healing God who was able to direct their steps and already knew their futures. They believed that their paths had been brought together, and would remain bonded together, by their love for a special little baby boy (who may be spoiled already, I might add)!

We are celebrating God's goodness and want you to share in some of the highlights of this special placement by viewing the Placement Photo Album - Josiah Evan-Ioan. Enjoy!

Wings N Things - May 3rd

2011-04-27T09:53:00.000-04:00

Buffalo Wild Wings (Lynchburg, Va) hosted a fundraiser for the Liberty Godparent Foundation in February and it was the most successful fundraiser they had to date! Because of the great success of the event, they are doing it again on Tuesday, May 3rd at BWW - Lynchburg. All you have to do is print these vouchers and present them to your server anytime throughout the day (dine-in or take-out) and they will donate 15% of your bill to our organization.

This is a tasty way to support our ministry! Help us by spreading the word through email or sharing this post from the FLS Facebook Page.

Time to Refresh & Renew the Vision

2011-04-26T12:29:00.000-04:00

I love my job...I really do. It's so much more than a career - I have the opportunity to impact lives every day through my work. This is a tremendous privilege, but also a burden as I share the celebratory moments and the difficult ones with those whom we work with. It's hard to "check your work at the door" and arrive home as if nothing significant took place that day.

In fact, it's taken me years to learn how to vacation...sounds crazy doesn't it?

I have just returned from spending a week at the beach with my family and can actually say that I'm refreshed, renewed, and ready to pursue the vision that we have for adoptive families, birth parents, and expectant parents. It's easy to feel guilty on vacation - because somebody is waiting for something they need to proceed in their journey. However, I've come to realize that God doesn't need me to do His work. He's doing a great job on His own...of course! He needs me to be able to take time out to take care of myself, strengthen my family, and be a better adoption professional when I return from a break.

So, here we go....starting a new chapter of 2011. Even the blog has gotten a facelift! I have a little catching up to do on blog posts and will be posting upcoming events and placement pictures in the near future. Glad you're along with us for this ride, exciting things are to come! Even when we can't see it, God is at work.

Adoptive Family Picnic - Forest, Virginia

2011-04-19T08:00:00.001-04:00

A local Girl Scout, who was adopted from Kazakhstan, is organizing a Adoptive Family Picnic for families who have adopted children (domestically or internationally) on Sunday, May 1, 2011. Lana's idea for her "Take Action" project was motivated by her realization that it is important for adopted kids to meet other adopted kids. We couldn't agree more!

The "Potluck Picnic" is at the Forest Presbyterian Church Pavillion and playground (next to the Forest Public Library on 221) and will be from 3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. with food served at 4:30 p.m. They are asking that each family bring a dish to share and drinks, plates, and silverware will be provided. Please RSVP to peacewolf@verizon.net and let her know what food you are taking, so she is prepared for the group.

This is a great opportunity to meet new families in the Lynchburg community who are connected to adoption and I hope that you take the time to support this young lady in a wonderful community project!

Open Adoption: The Decision, The Benefits & The Challenges - Part 3

2011-04-15T12:59:00.000-04:00

Heather Kirk is an adoptive mom of five children. Each of these five children has a different set of birth parents, and Heather’s family has open adoptions with each of them. Heather and her husband Christopher frequently share their adoption stories at the Adoption Training Weekend for Family Life Services. Be sure to read Part 1 & Part 2!

Part 3 - The Challenges

When we made the choice to open our first adoption, we never imagined that God would bless us with four additional children and therefore four additional birth families to build relationships with. It can be a bit overwhelming at times. We have definitely faced our share of difficulties and fears throughout the years. Although it is always easier and more pleasant to share the triumphs, it is important to be honest about the difficulties we face because we have chosen open adoptions.

When we opened our first adoption, we had an indescribable God-given confidence that we had made the right choice, but even with that confidence, there have been times of fears and doubts.

We had no one to speak with who had already gone through the open adoption process, no one to ask advice from. We were near the beginning of this trend to open up adoptions. We often found ourselves second-guessing our decisions. Everything has been a process, reminding us how important it is to bathe our lives and our children’s lives in prayers.

The first difficulty I remember facing about open adoption was just making the simple decisions, such as how often I should contact the birth family, how much should I tell them, and how should I refer to the birth family, like should we call our son’s birthmom “mom,” too.

I remember that, at first, I felt guilty to not refer to our eldest son’s birthmom as “mom.” She was his mother, too. As time went on, though, we found the wisdom in always calling the birth parents by their first names with our children. We came to discover that it kept confusion from entering the minds of our children. Although our children know their birth parents are connected to them as parents, they also understand there is a difference in the relationship they have with them compared to the relationship they have with us.

Another difficulty is that our relationships with each of the birth families do differ greatly. This is simply because each situation our children have been born into, as well as the personalities of each of the birth families, are very different. Each individual in the birth families has their own way of dealing with their emotions over the situation of having to place their child or seeing their grandchild, cousin, nephew or niece placed for adoption.

Think about your own blood relations. Some of your family members might be really open and honest about their feelings. Some are quiet and keep all emotions to themselves. Some can face difficulties head on, while others try to avoid them. It is the same in each of the birth families.

About half of our birth family members feel grateful for every moment they get to spend with their birth child. They relish every photo, every phone call and every visit we have. They are able to say goodbye knowing that it is only goodbye for now, and they have confidence that they can see or speak with their child again in the near future. They find that a comfort.

However, the other half of our birth family members have a harder time dealing with the open adoptions, even though all of them did request open adoptions in the beginning. Some have even chosen to drop all contact with us because they feel guilty about having had to place their child for adoption and have trouble with seeing that child face-to-face as a result. I can’t begin to understand what they must have to go through, and I value their feelings. However, I admit that it has made it challenging for us as the parents to help our children understand.

It is so difficult when a child comes to you crying because they are not able to see a member of their birth family. This has only happened a few times to us. In those moments, I have cried with my children.

After having such a successful open adoption with our first child’s birth family, we originally felt that it would be important for our other children to have the exact same thing. But we came to understand that it is never the exact same from one family to the next.

Think about when you got married. You not only inherited a relationship with your spouse, but also with their extended family. The relationships with some of your in-laws might be better and easier than others. Dealing with the emotions and peculiarities of each member of your family requires patience, understanding and love, which is not always easy.

The first time we faced the issue of a birth family starting to back away from contact was so hard because they would schedule meetings with us and not show. They would say they were going to call or send letters, and then would not do so. It was such a frustration for us as the parents of these children, and at first, we didn’t understand how much the birth families were struggling. We just felt their avoidance. This made our hearts ache for our children.

In time, we have learned to understand them better and have also learned how to help our children cope better when they hurt. I am so grateful to God that the birth families with whom we do have a lot of contact are sure to show love and care to all five of our children, not just to the one who is their blood relation. Therefore, our children feel the love from all of these birth families and view them as family… not merely as their sibling’s birth family.

There are more difficulties, such as dealing with the quarks of each different family. In my experience, our birth families who are African-American have a different sense of time than the family I grew up in. For instance, most of our birth families feel it is no big deal to be an hour or two late to a meeting time we have set. In the beginning, this was a real frustration, especially when our children anxiously waited for them to show. But with each birth family we added, this has continued to be the trend. So we have chosen to accept this as part of who they are.

There is also the difficulty for myself of trying to maintain contact with the different birth family members. Then, there is the fact of trying to remember all of the different family members we meet at different gatherings. I must admit that I fail at this one frequently.

Something else you might face, as I have, is a birth family member boldly telling you how much they object to their relation having been placed for adoption. I have been pulled aside twice, once by a grandfather in one birth family and once by a grandmother in another birth family, to be told their extreme objections. The first time this happened struck me with shock, but in those moments when we are dumbfounded and don’t know how to respond, praise God He gives us the wisdom and words to deal with the situation.

As Christian parents, we have also faced another difficulty. Some of the birth family members are not Christians or not strong Christians, and some allow a very different set of morals to govern their lives than we want to instill in our children. Therefore, we have had to make different choices on how we spend our time with each family, as well as how much time we spend on a visit. We do have to limit contact with certain members of the birth families, and I believe that God has obligated us as the parents and moral guardians of these children to do so.

In this three-part series, I have only scratched the surface of the benefits and difficulties that we face in choosing open adoption. Still, throughout this process, our family has come to believe that the benefits outweigh the difficulties. Our children don’t ask whether or not they were loved. They do not ask who they look like. They simply know that they have so much family who loves them, and they know they have a God who cares about them enough to have orchestrated all of this in their lives.

Are the benefits of open adoption going to outweigh the difficulties in your situation? Only God knows for you. Take the time to pray and to seek counsel, and God will make it clear to you what is best for your child.

Should Transracial Families Adopt Another Child of Color?

2011-04-08T11:44:00.000-04:00

Kevin Hofmann is a writer, speaker, adoption blogger, and a transracial adoptee who shares openly on topics of adoption and transracial issues. You may remember the earlier review of his book, Growing Up Black in White, on this blog. Visit Kevin's website for more resources and to follow his blog, My Mind on Paper. We are grateful for his permission to post some of his thoughts from an adoptee's point of view.

“Did you ever want a brother or sister growing up who looked like you?”

As a transracial adoptee(TRA), author and speaker, whenever I go speak and share my experiences growing up as a TRA I often get this question. My answer is very simple yet very layered so I hope that everyone can follow me.

“No.” This is usually the response I give and I often get puzzled looks and then I see the parents gently lean forward urging me to continue. So I gladly do and here is my complete response:

As an adoptee one of the issues I have always struggled with is my constant battle with rejection. No matter how or why, in the end my mother gave me away. It doesn’t matter whether it was the right decision for her or me, in the end the woman who gave birth to me chose not to keep me. With that decision came a feeling of not being good enough or not being wanted. Growing up I would feed the need to be accepted and liked by shoving spoonful after spoonful of attention in to my soul. I inhaled attention because it calmed and quieted the whispers that said, “No one likes you! You’re not worthy.”

Transracial adoption afforded me a great opportunity to get additional attention. I only have one other friend that was adopted so that made me unique. I was the different one in the family and the attention that came with that whether good or bad still fed the whispers. To have another child of color in my family would have been like inviting a thief into my den of treasures. Another child would mean I would have to split the attention…IN HALF! Nope, not something I was interested in doing.

For me this was not something I wanted so I answer the question as it is asked. “Do you…” But typically, I know parents want to know if I think this is a good idea FOR THEM. There were several times I would answer that question as it applied to me and never understood I missed an opportunity to address an important issue. So now I answer personally and more globally.

The parents really want to know if adopting another child that looks like their transracially adopted child will help the children so they don’t always have to be the only one all the time. The thought is that having another child of color to walk with them will give them someone to share this like experience with. The children have someone to talk to about what they are going through and feeling.

Yes, it could!

Here’s the important issue that I now address.

Children take their lead from their parents. If the parents don’t openly talk about adoption and issues of race it sends a message to the kids these are issues we don’t talk about. I know a transracial adoptee that was adopted with their twin and since the parents never talked about adoption, race, or the conflicting messages and issues that come with those, the twins never talked about it either.

These issues must be discussed openly as a family sending the message to the whole family that they are issues that can be discussed. I think creating an open and honest environment in the home provides the right soil for confident children to grow and it helps quiet the whispers I still hear.

What Would You Give For Your Children?

2011-04-06T07:00:00.000-04:00

I just returned from the 17th Annual Barker Foundation Conference in Rockville, Maryland and had the opportunity to hear a powerful duo speak - Judy and Aaron Stigger. Judy is the white adoptive mom of Aaron, who is biracial. They approached the idea of transracial adoption in a humorous way, yet emphasized that transracial adoption is work and adoptive parents have to be willing to put in the effort required to raise a healthy, happy, confident transracial family.

Aaron comfortably got up to speak in a t-shirt that said this on the front - "Black is Beautiful, White is Wonderful" and on the back - "And I'm Both!". That's a confident guy who had parents who weren't afraid to get out of their comfort zone and allowed their child to appreciate his heritage from both cultures.

He began his lecture by saying that the first three points in having a healthy transracial adoptive family are location, location, location. What stuck with me was his acknowledgement that most adoptive families would give their lives for their children, but why are they so hesitant to give their homes and/or their neighborhoods for their kids? Hmmm, that was a powerful moment.

Too often we see Caucasian families pursuing the adoption of an African American or Biracial child who feel like "love is all they need" or that their completely Caucasian family, neighborhood, church, school system, etc. will be accepting of a child with African American heritage because they're "so nice and excited about the family's adoption plans". Unfortunately, this is not the case - there is great value for children in the school years and adolescence to be raised in neighborhoods, churches and schools where there are other people who physically look like themselves.

Don't get me wrong, those are all good things, but it's not enough. We must get to the place where we can integrate transracial adoptive families into more than one cultural experience and, in doing so, fully be able to appreciate the diversity within your adoptive family. Once you get to the place where you're willing to put in the work - you won't be disappointed by the rich, full, joyful experiences that you can enjoy as the result of having a transracial family.

What have you done to put in the work of having a transracial adoptive family? I would love to hear your ideas!

Hope

2011-04-04T15:34:00.001-04:00

Blog written by Rachel Curley, Caseworker, at Family Life Services.

Hope is a word that I remember studying in depth when I was waiting for my husband. It was years after college, most of my friends were already married with kids, and the relationship I was in, had just ended.

God, what does hope look like now?

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. Well, I can tell you coming out of that broken relationship, my heart was definitely feeling sick! Does God have marriage for me? - I wondered. What if He has chosen me to be single so that I am more free to serve Him? “Lord, won’t you please just tell me that you have marriage for me, if I can just know that you have it at the end of this hard road, I will be able to trust you”...this was my prayer.

Then, so clearly, I heard the Lord say, “That is exactly why I am not telling you, because I want you to trust, to have faith, to hope. My plans are not your plans; my ways are not your ways”. I finally surrendered to His ultimate plan and came to the place where I could respond with “Lord, renew my hope; give me fresh perspective on my life. It’s not about getting married or having a family, sure, those things would be nice, but it’s about my relationship with You, it’s about bringing You glory. If I can bring You more glory single, then single it is! God, You know my heart, you know my desires, and I trust you with them”.

What is it that you hope for today? Are you certain of what you hope for? Where does your hope lie? I encourage you to do your own study on “Hope” and let us know what you discover! Here are some verses to get you started: Hebrews 11:1, Psalm 39:7, and Romans 8:24-25; 15:13

Open Adoption: The Decision, The Benefits & The Challenges - Part 2

2011-03-28T12:45:00.000-04:00

Heather Kirk is an adoptive mom of five children. Each of these children has a different set of birth parents, and Heather's family has open adoptions with each of them. Heather and her husband Christopher frequently share their adoption stories at the FLS Adoption Training Weekend for Family Life Services and she has agreed to write a 3-part series about open adoption for The Journey of Adoption. In case you missed it, here's Part 1.

In this post, I will share some of the benefits that our family has experienced because we have had the open adoptions. Keep in mind that there are surely many more benefits, but I want to share with you some of the big ones we have been blessed with as a result of our choice.

As I shared in Part 1, one of the reasons we were drawn to open our first adoption was because of the amazing love we saw that Nathanial’s birth family had for him. We couldn’t imagine Nathan or our future children never really knowing and experiencing that love. So we opened the adoption. There was a particular moment when we knew that our kids had truly begun to understand how amazing all this love is.

When Nathanial was in Kindergarten, the teacher asked each of the kids to share about their family. When Nathan got home from school, he said, “Mom, I am the most special kid in my class.”

I responded, “Well, I know that, but tell me why you say that.”

With great excitement in his voice, he said, “When the teacher asked us to tell her about our families, I realized that I have more family that loves me than any of those other kids in my class.”

Brandon, our second child, agreed when he heard Nathan. Nathan started talking about the fact that they had Mommy’s family, Daddy’s family, and all of their birth families who loved them, and they agreed that it made them extra special. That moment gave Christopher and I confidence that we had made the right decision.

The benefit of knowing they are loved goes further than that, though. You see, I have met and read about many adoptees who have questioned if they were ever loved by their birth parents. They feel abandoned and have questioned their self worth. They also wondered where they got many of their personality traits, looks and mannerisms from.

In our case, so far, we have only experienced that once with one of our children. For Nathan, we have never had contact with his birth father. For our next two children, we met both their birth mother and birth father. So Nathan wondered why his birth father didn’t want to meet him. He asked some of those hard questions about why his birth father didn’t love him. I don’t have the space to go into all the details, but I will say that he and I cried together as we discussed it. I hurt deeply for my son because he was hurting.

I am so glad that for the most part our children don’t have those questions ringing in their heads when they think about being adopted.

Another huge benefit that we have had is the chance to get really important questions answered. When our son Brandon started having huge difficulties at home and in school with both reading and writing, we first thought we were doing something wrong. I decided to talk to the birth family to see if anyone in their family had any similar struggles.

Brandon has two older birth siblings, one was being raised by the birth parents and the other had been placed for adoption with another family. After speaking with the birth family, I discovered that his birth mother, birth brother, and multiple uncles and aunts had experienced the exact same difficulties. Then, I spoke with the adoptive mother of Brandon’s older sister. Even though she was their only child and had received a lot of special help at school, she continued to struggle with the same issues. We realized that this was an inherited trait rather than something we were doing wrong. Not only did this give us peace of mind as parents, but it also gave us strong evidence of what we needed to do to help Brandon.

Also, when we have had different health concerns for our children, we have been able to go to their birth families to ask specific questions. This was especially important when Nathan was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition. Although it was not a condition that had run in his family, there were many things we were able to inform the doctors of when they needed a very detailed medical history, which we would not have known otherwise.

In addition, we have seen a huge benefit in bridging the cultural gap. For those of you who do not know, my husband Christopher and I are Caucasian, but all of our children have links to African-American heritage — some being multi-racial and others being fully African-American. Although both Christopher and I had some friends throughout our lives of different races, we had both been raised in predominantly Caucasian surroundings. We needed help with the education of raising children who had a different cultural background. What better help could we get than the help of their own birth families.

We have gotten advice on hair care, skin care, health care and more. Brandon’s birth family lives in the same town we live in, and his grandmother has braided our daughter Ashley’s hair multiple times. I learned from another birth family member how to put the beads into Ashley’s hair. I am able to braid her hair into what they call ‘plats’ all by myself. I even braid them into each other and place the beads on them because I watched different birth family members braid hair.

As I said before, there are so many benefits that I cannot possibly name them all. That doesn’t mean that it is always easy though. In the next post, I will share about the difficulties we have faced. Are the difficulties so great that they outweigh the benefits? You will get the chance to decide.

Coming Soon: Part 3 of Open Adoption — Facing the Difficulties.

A Fresh Look at Jeremiah 29:11

2011-03-17T07:00:00.003-04:00

Few books have impacted me, personally and professionally, like the last one that I completed - Pregnant with Hope, by Susan Radulovacki. I stumbled upon the website and blog initially when looking at ways to better understand the struggle with infertility and found that the information was honest, Biblical, and offered encouragement. Whether you are currently experiencing infertility, have in the past, or know someone who is (and whether we realize it or not, we all know someone who is in the midst of it), this book will bless you and provide you with knowledge to help you or someone you know. The following is an excerpt directly from the book that the author gave me permission to share.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord; "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes, hearing God's voice depends on knowing how to listen for it.

Let's begin with the phrase, "For I know the plans..." God is saying that His plans are preconceived and intentional. They precede this moment in time, and they are not random or arbitrary. They are neither last-minute nor a whim. These are plans designed specifically for you, based on His knowledge of all things and His intention to bless you.

"...plans I have for you..." I have for you. I have. Not plans I know you have for you, or plans I know you want Me to have for you. These plans are God's best for you. Because of your freedom to make choices of all kinds (free will), you may never see these plans come to fruition if you choose your plans over God's. Sarah chose not to wait...not to believe...not to trust any plan but her own. But note, even that did not ultimately thwart god's plan for her.

"...declares the Lord;..." God is announcing these plans to you with conviction. He is positive of their existence prior to their execution. The statement, "I know the plans I have for you" carries the full weight and authority of the King who declares them. It is so. He is certain.

"...Plans to prosper you..." The use of active voice reinforces that God will be taking action for your benefit. He intends to prosper you, or to set in motion the prosperity that He wills for you. You will receive the action, receive the blessing that is His gift to you.

"...and not to harm you..." God is making two overlapping promises. He plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Like a Venn diagram, this area of overlap indicates your maximum benefit. He intends to help you, and not to hurt you. He intends to lift you up, and not to hold you back. He plans to bless you, and not to curse you. He is for you, and not against you.

"...plans to give you hope..." The use of active voice and verb "give" reminds again that God will be taking the action; you will be on the receiving end. He will give you hope that originates with Him. Because He is a promise-keeping God, that hope will have a different kind of staying power than the self-based hope you prop up with busyness and frantic efforts to control. It will be vital and full of life. It will be sustained by His will, not just your own.

"...and a future..." Again, God makes two overlapping promises. He will give you hope and give you a future. Not just one or the other, but both. One gift for the waiting time (hope), and another gift of pending blessings (a future). One you need now; one you can await with anticipation and gratitude. The knowledge that you have both can bring you peace - now, and always.

Taken as a whole message, these verses make clear that God is proactively planning abundant blessings for you! Do you hear His voice of reassurance? He is saying, "You can relinquish control and trust Me. You can let go." Your response should be to anticipate these blessings confidently and thrive in the meantime.

But it's not that easy

Why not? Why is it so hard to let go?

The problem is: "For I know..." God has made plans that God-only knows. The excruciating challenge is, you don't know. And you won't know until after-the-fact. If you are going to relinquish control to God, you will have to do so without knowing His plans. You will have to trust Him in the midst of uncertainty.

Can you trust God to keep promises in your life - just as He does in scripture?

Open Adoption: The Decision, the Benefits and the Difficulties

2011-03-14T10:41:00.002-04:00

Part 1 of 3 — Making the Decision

When someone says, “open adoption,” to you, does that strike fear in your heart? Do you wonder what that really means and wonder what risks you might encounter if you consider an open adoption?

As I think back 13 years to when we started going through the adoption process for the first time, I remember the fears we had. At the beginning of that journey, we had never even heard of open adoption. After signing up with Family Life Services, we were told that we were required to go through an Adoption Training Weekend. We had no idea how much would be revealed to us during that weekend.

We met birthmoms and heard their stories. As we listened, we realized that many of them desired some contact after placement, but it wasn’t because they still wanted to be their child’s mother. They simply wanted to know that they had made the right decision for their child. They wanted to know that their child was safe and being taken care of. After all, that is why they were willing to relinquish their rights to being their child’s full-time parent.

If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you want to know you had made the right choice?

My husband, Christopher, and I realized that we had to at least have a semi-open adoption where we would send letters and pictures to the birthparents. That was such a small gift that we could give back to the birthparents considering the amazing gift they were giving to us. As Daryl Pitts said, it was our chance to minister to the birthfamily.

But then we heard about open adoption where the birthparents and adoptive parents exchange all identifying information.

Do you mean they would actually know where we live? Could that really work? What if one of the birthparents changed their mind about the adoption? Would they come and try to kidnap the child?

I can tell you, my parents completely objected to the possibility of open adoption. Like us, they had only heard horror stories in the news of adoptive children who had been given back to their birthparents years after being placed for adoption. The problem is that news programs only want to report sensational stories, which are less than one percent of the truth about adoption. We discovered that those stories of children being returned to their birthfamilies happened when private adoptions through lawyers had not been done to the full extent of the law to protect all parties.

Still, we were hesitant about having a fully open adoption. It was scary.

Through this process, we were waiting and waiting for that call to come to let us know we had been chosen for adoption. About one year after entering the queue as an approved adoptive family, we received a call from an agency in Florida who had a birthmom choose us to adopt her child, but before she would decide for sure, she wanted to meet us in person. She was 7 ½ months pregnant, so we knew she had time to change her mind.

Well, Christopher and I took the long trip down to Florida, and boy, were we nervous. As we drove from the hotel we were staying at to the meeting place, we were both shaking and praying for God to calm us. When we arrived, we found that the birthmom, whose name is Shelley, was just as nervous about meeting us as we were about meeting her. We were all so relieved when we discovered that we were going through the same types of emotions.

We sat and had lunch with Shelley and the caseworker. We talked all through lunch… I hardly ate anything on my plate. The great thing was, the more we talked, the more our fears calmed. When lunch was over, we wanted to spend more time with Shelley. We had to get to know this incredible woman better. And she wanted us to meet her two-year old son, whom she had parented. So we decided to meet again the next day.

The caseworker did not come, which was something that was allowed with that agency. Well, that second meeting went even better than the first.

At the end of the meeting, Shelley told us that she definitely wanted us to be the ones to adopt her child. Then she invited us to be with her at the hospital and actually asked me if I would like to be in the room with her when she gave birth!

Well, our son was very stubborn about wanting to stay in Shelley’s nice warm belly. After going a week and a half beyond her due date, the doctor decided to induce her. So she called us up through the agency and told us that she was going to be induced the next day, which was a Thursday. We took the next flight out and arrived Thursday evening. She had been induced, but so far, nothing.

Thursday came and went, and on Friday, the doctor induced her again. Still nothing. But during those days, we had the chance to get to know Shelley, her parents, and her older son. We literally fell in love with all of them and knew that they were all part of our family now.

On Saturday, the doctor finally decided to break Shelley’s water, and our son Nathanial had no choice but to come out. When he was born, Shelley’s mom looked at me and said, “Go tell your husband that he has a son.”

Can you imagine that moment?

We were just given the most incredible earthly gift that anyone could ever give to another person. Shelley and her parents were crying. This was sad for them, but they selflessly thought of us and the joy we had in that moment.

During the next 48 hours for the hospital stay, we kept away except for the times Shelley specifically asked us to be there. This was her special time with Nathanial. She did ask Christopher to feed Nathanial his first bottle and allowed us to be there for other special moments. As the second day rolled around, Christopher and I couldn’t stop talking about the fact that we couldn’t imagine not having these people in our lives. We had to open the adoption. How could we want anything else other than our son growing up knowing this incredible love that his birthfamily has for him?

So just before the release from the hospital, we asked Shelley if she would be willing to exchange all identifying information and open the adoption. (This was allowed with the agency we were adopting through.) She and her parents were thrilled.

They still shed many tears as we left the hospital with Nathanial and they left empty handed, but they knew now that this was not the end. They would see him again.

Join us next time for Part 2 of Open Adoption — The Many Benefits.

Happy Adoption Day, Karis!

2011-03-11T10:14:00.000-05:00

Can you imagine anything sweeter than meeting your new baby girl in this onesie, specially designed by her birth mother? This was the scene of our latest placement as CW & Melissa welcomed their baby girl, Karis, last Friday! There was an overwhelming spirit of love and affection in the room as the extended families of the adoptive family and birth family made immediate connections with one another as they exchanged hugs, tears & laughter.

These are the moments that we treasure...when we see how God meshes together two families, from different places, with different backgrounds and experiences - perfectly.

Due to confidentiality, pictures from this placement will not be shared.

2011 Walk for Life & 5K Race for Life

2011-03-07T14:52:00.002-05:00

Many of you have been asking us when we will be having the annual Walk for Life - and we appreciate your enthusiasm! The Liberty Godparent Foundation has been working hard to re-structure some of our fundraising efforts, spread them throughout the year, and incorporate new events that will appeal to a wide range of supporters.

We will not have the traditional Walk for Life at LU this year, however, there is an awesome opportunity for you to participate in a similar event that will benefit the Liberty Godparent Foundation (which includes Family Life Services & Liberty Godparent Home). If you love the Walk for Life, I would encourage you to make plans to attend the 5K Race for Life in downtown Lynchburg, Virginia on Saturday, April 16, 2011. Download a brochure for more information.

Don't be intimidated by the "race" in the name, we welcome walkers, joggers, and runners to join us and families are welcome!

The 5K Race for Life begins at 9:00 a.m. on the Blackwater Creek Trail (Kemper Street Extension). The registration fee before April 1st is $20 and is $25 after April 1 and on the day of the event. Registration includes a t-shirt (if registered by 4/8), awards, door prizes, and food at the finish line. Registration is available online or paper application is available. We are grateful to Malcolm Miller and the Couples for Christ Sunday School Class at TRBC for their assistance and organization of this event. If you have questions about the 5K, contact Malcolm at godparenthome5k@aol.com.

Watch for Details about these Upcoming LGF Events:

Buffalo Wild Wings Fundraiser - May 3
Liberty Godparent Foundation Benefit Concert - June 24

Baby Bottle Campaign - September

2nd Annual LGF Golf Tournament - October

2011 Winter Market - November 18, 19 & 20

The Barker Foundation Teen Weekend for Adopted Teens

2011-03-02T15:01:00.000-05:00

During the adolescent years, children who were adopted may struggle with issues relating to peers, adoptive family, or birth family. A wonderful resource for parents during this time is Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. Parents may find themselves at a loss for words or may even be working through some issues of their own and desire some outside resources for their teens, yet they can be difficult to find.

The Barker Foundation is a wonderful agency that provides ongoing adoption support & resources to the adoption community. Their staff are professional, knowledgeable, and equipped to provide support throughout various stages of the adoption journey. Their 7th Annual Teen Weekend is scheduled for April 9-10, 2011 at the 4H Center in Chevy Chase, Maryland, and is designed for adopted teens, ages 14-18, who are in high school or high school eligible. Participation is open to teens who were adopted domestically or internationally, through any agency, and provides an opportunity for adopted teenagers to spend a weekend with peers who were also adopted.

The staff for this special weekend will be Social Workers and Professional Counselors who were, themselves, adopted and they will provide fun activities and sports as well as opportunities to explore and discuss topics such as birth parents, grief and loss, identity, and peer/social issues.

The weekend begins at 9:00 a.m. on April 9th, participants spend the night at the center, and close at 3:00 p.m. on April 10th with a time for parents to hear a summary of the weekend's events. The cost is $225 (financial assistance is available) and there is a link to the registration form on the Barker Foundation Website. I would encourage you to take advantage of this opportunity, if possible. You can contact Abbe Levine, Director of Family & Post-Adoption Services at Barker Foundation at 301-664-9664 or alevine@barkerfoundation.org with any questions.

Chances of Conception Increase with Involvement in an Infertility Support Group

2011-02-24T11:56:00.002-05:00

There seems to be an increase in the number of public figures who are acknowledging their own personal experience with infertility (Courtney Cox-Arquette, Nicole Kidman, Giuliana Rancic, etc.). Infertility cannot be exclusively connected to one set of factors such as socio-economic status, race, BMI, etc. and the reality is, there are couples all around us every day who are quietly dealing with the pain associated with this issue. This morning, on NBC's The Today Show, a FOX news anchor-Alisyn Camerota shared openly and honestly about her raw emotions from her journey through infertility and how she benefited from making connections with other women having similar experiences.

The Harvard Medical School has done a study indicating that a woman's chances of conceiving improve by more than 50% with involvement in an infertility support group. This is certainly encouraging news and provides hope to many women who may feel very hopeless. Some churches offer faith-based, peer-led support groups through women's ministries and your physician may be aware of support networks in your area. Resolve, The National Infertility Association, offers a wide range of information and links to find a support group , connect with an online forum & even provides directions for how to go about starting a support group in your area.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Children's Adoption Book: My Family is Forever (Nancy Carlson)

2011-02-23T13:28:00.000-05:00

If you're anything like me, finding a new book that I love brings about the same kind of excitement as one might expect from a toddler on a treasure hunt! I especially enjoy finding a well-written book for children relating to adoption. I find that there are often valuable truths and insights for adults found in the same pages that were intended for younger audiences.

One of my latest finds is My Family is Forever by Nancy Carlson. The story launches from an opening statement, "Some families look alike, and some don't". It is written from the perspective of a young Asian girl who was adopted as a baby by Caucasian parents and tells their adoption story. She contrasts her experience with her friend, Jeffrey, who was born into his family and is similar in appearance to his family members while she doesn't share the same similaries in appearance. However, she recognizes talents and skills that she shares with each of her parents. The story is written in a way to relate to either domestic or international adoption and never specifies which applies to her adoption experience.

The book introduces very basic adoption concepts such as an adoptive family's desire to parent a child, the involvement of an adoption counselor in the process, the family's excitement to hear that they were going to adopt a child, the permanency of an adoption placement, the child's curiosity about her birth parents, recognizing that children will inherit traits from both the birth parents & adoptive parents and, ultimately, what it means to be a family.

The illustrations are bright and colorful, text is not too long, and the story is appropriate for children from pre-school through the 1st or 2nd grade. In my opinion, this is one of those books that shouldn't be confined to the library of an adoptive family only but would be a great addition to any family's reading selections.

The resounding theme of the story is that the most important factor binding families together is love.

Do You Ever Find Yourself "Totalizing"?

2011-02-17T13:47:00.001-05:00

I recently came across an interesting concept that immediately made me think of adoption. The author pointed out how people make generalizations and put others into categories in the way they label them. She calls this act of stereotyping, “totalizing” and explains that this is “thinking and acting as if a single aspect of a person is the totality of that person”. For example, when someone says “my disabled uncle” they are drawing attention to and focusing on that one aspect of who their uncle is, instead of simply saying “my uncle” and allowing a person to get to know the many different aspects of who their uncle is.

This idea of totalizing really caught my attention and made me think about how many times I have said or heard someone say, their “adopted daughter” or “biological son”. I don’t think other people mean to, and I know I certainly don’t mean to, make being adopted or biological the sum of a person’s identity.

Totalizing can come out in other ways as well. I am reminded of when my cousin told me she wished our grandparents would not call her their Chinese granddaughter, but just their granddaughter. She wanted to be known for all of who she was, not just that she was originally from China. Someday, when my husband and I adopt, I want our children to see themselves as our children not our “adopted children”. Yes, the fact that they were adopted will be part of their story, but it will be just that, a part, and not the whole of their identity. What about you, have you ever caught yourself “totalizing” someone with one single word?

~Post contributed by Rachel Curley, FLS Adoption Caseworker

One Tiny Miracle - Liam's Adoption Story

2011-02-15T10:30:00.001-05:00

In almost 10 years of working in the field of adoption, I have heard many adoption stories that could be described as a "whirlwind" but none that has taken place quite like this! Adoptive parents, Bill & Tami, worked with Family Life Services to complete their home study - the first step of the adoption journey - and within 3 days of the home study's completion had learned of their son's birth, met his birth mother, were selected to become adoptive parents, and brought their new baby home from the hospital! Tami agreed to share the amazing details of their story with our readers to bring HOPE to those waiting for a miracle of their own.

We are the proud new parents of a baby boy that we adopted here in our home town on Monday, January 17th at 4pm, he was two days old - it all has happened so quickly and in an amazingly miraculous way. We certainly know the Lord had a big part in bringing us our son. Here's our story...After a long infertility journey for the last few years, our prayers led us to adoption. We had been working with Family Life Services since November on our home study. Very "ironically", Deanne contacted us on Friday, January 14th, to let us know that our home study was complete, so we were officially able to start working with our agency to adopt a baby to complete our family - and never in a million years did we think our child would be in our arms this quickly...NEVER. Talk about a miracle in the making!

Our son, Liam, is a healthy bouncing beautiful boy brought into this world by a wonderful birth mother whom we are forever thankful for. How we were connected with her is a miracle in itself. Liam was born on Saturday, January 15th, at 7pm. He was a big boy at 9 lb 1 oz, 20.75 inches long, and beautiful! He came into the world 4 hours before his baby boy first COUSIN, Mitchell, who was born in the same hospital. Although, we did not know he was OUR son at the time he was born. On an average, January, Sunday morning, we were thrilled to go meet our new nephew at the hospital that morning. About 6 hours later, we learned from a physician who was a family friend (who was on call in Labor & Delivery, who knew that Bill & I were hoping to adopt a child) that there was a baby born 3 doors down from Bill's sister, to a birth mother that had no previous adoption plan and wanted to place her child with an adoptive family immediately. Our friend, who was a physician, immediately thought of us and contacted our family.

If our nephew had not decided he wanted to come into this world on Saturday, January 15th, and our family friend was not on call - and God had not put this plan in place, we would not have our son. We were so overwhelmed and ecstatic that this had all fallen into place. And with God's grace, we brought our son home on Tuesday, January 18th, with NO preparation of course...but happier than ever! 10 days later, after our final court date, we had officially adopted our son!

Miracles do happen - if anyone believes - we sure do.

A Perfect Love

2011-02-14T09:59:00.001-05:00

Today is Valentine's Day and, although I'm very thankful to have the opportunity to celebrate love with my husband & family, I can't help but think about the perfect love and care of my heavenly Father. Matthew 6:25-30

I recently had the opportunity to listen in on a conversation between a birth mother and the adoptive family whom she chose to parent her daughter. The conversation began with the usual updates, but quickly turned to things of the Lord as each expressed how God had been moving and working in their lives over the past couple of years to strengthen their faith. This was the first opportunity either had really told the other how they felt God's direction in the adoption process and beyond.

It was amazing to see how the Lord has been working simultaneously, in two families, in two separate states, to reveal many of the same things to each family about His purpose, His plan, and His power! The conversation gave me chills and I was, once again, reminded of how the Lord loves us and how he cares about every detail of our lives. There was example after example shared about how God had revealed something through a minute detail or a significant undertaking to these individuals along the journey to adoption.

I wonder how many things we miss in our daily lives around us when we're not looking for His hand in it all?

The Journey of Adoption Included On A Top 50 Blog List

2011-02-11T12:53:00.000-05:00

We were so excited to receive an email from Ken Martin at NursingSchools.net to let us know that they've included The Journey of Adoption on their list of Top 50 Adoption Blogs as a resource! There are many other blogs listed that are worth checking out and they are categorized to help you find one that could benefit you.

Just Add 1 Social Worker, 1 Protein Shake, and a Conversation with God

2011-02-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

Some days I feel so very inadequate for my job, the challenges that arise daily, and the position in which God has placed me. This is one of those days that I drove to work drinking my protein shake and talking to the Lord as is my normal morning routine (if you ever pass me in the morning, you can sometimes even find me talking out loud to Him!). The conversation, on my end, went something like this:

"Really, Lord, what can I do or say to ease the anxiety of waiting for prospective adoptive families or soften the grief of a birth parent's heart who is wrestling with an adoption decision? Are you sure that this is where you want me? I feel like I have nothing to offer that can make these life situations any easier. What can I say or do to show people that I care, but can't take this burden from them?"

And then we met for devotions. Translation: And then God gave me His side of our conversation.

Our guest this morning was Rhonda, a volunteer from our local pregnancy center (Blue Ridge Pregnancy Center - Lynchburg, Virginia) who shared very timely insights from God's word for all of us who are "in the trenches" on a daily basis. She confirmed for me that there is nothing I can say to impact the futures of the folks with whom I work - unless I give them Jesus.

I realize that each day I make mistakes, stumble, may not say the right thing and may not always be perceived in the way that I have intended. But, if I start the day with the Lord, He can take my weakness - and use me - if I allow myself to become His vessel.

My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Celebrating Chinese New Year

2011-02-01T11:47:00.000-05:00

The Chinese New Year will be begin on February 3, 2011 and will mark the year of the rabbit. This is, traditionally, the most significant holiday celebrated in China and is a wonderful opportunity for adoptive families with Chinese children to incorporate aspects of this celebration into your own family traditions. For families who have adopted from another country, parents can encourage positive cultural identity by finding ways to learn about and celebrate your child's country of origin, as a family.

Adoptive families choose to celebrate in a variety of ways from enjoying Chinese cuisine to attending a local festival or party to taking some time at home to create Chinese New Year Crafts at home.

There's a unique opportunity for families within driving distance to Roanoke, Virginia to attend a Chinese New Year celebration at the Taubman Museum of Art with free admission from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. on Saturday, February 5th. You can find more details on the Local Colors website!

Looking ahead, the Local Colors Family Festival will be on Saturday, May 21st from 11:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. at Elmwood Park in Downtown Roanoke, Virginia. China will be the featured country and it is always a cultural experience with something for the whole family.

Buffalo Wild Wings (Lynchburg) supports the Liberty Godparent Foundation

2011-01-31T10:49:00.000-05:00

The Liberty Godparent Foundation has been given the following opportunity from Buffalo Wild Wings in Lynchburg, Virginia and we need your help to make it a success...

On Tuesday, Feb. 1st, Buffalo Wild Wings will donate 15% of the cost of food sales to the Liberty Godparent Foundation when you present the attached voucher. An appetizing way to help us raise financial support!

Please consider eating out on Tuesday of this week and help us spread the word by forwarding this to your friends & coworkers.

Thank you in advance for your support!

*Remember to print the above voucher and give it to your server*

The Choice - When God Whispers Your Name

2011-01-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

Each Wednesday morning, the staff of the Liberty Godparent Foundation organization meets to start our day collectively with devotions. It's amazing to see how we are all encouraged and enriched by this simple act of sharing - and listening - together. This morning's leadership role was assigned to the Office Manager of Family Life Services, Rose Marie Owens, who has faithfully worked with our ministry for 27 years...that is not a typo, she has been here that long! She is an avid reader and holds knowledge that can be found nowhere else in this ministry. We are so thankful for all that she has and continues to pour into our ministry. Rose shared a familiar passage of scripture, Galatians 5:22-23, about the fruit of the spirit and an excerpt from Max Lucado's book, When God Whispers Your Name. Here's a portion of what she shared from the book that was especially meaningful as we begin a day that will be bombarded with demands, deadlines, and difficult decisions.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day's demands. It is now I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I'm free to choose. And so I choose.

I choose love...No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy...I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical - the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace...I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience...I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching by fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness...I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness...I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness...Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose gentleness...Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control...I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will not, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Two Words With Power To Change - "But God"

2011-01-23T07:00:00.001-05:00

Nate and Sara completed the adoption of their two children, Eden and Caleb, from Ethiopia in 2009. Sara skillfully and beautifully documents their adoption journey in her blog, Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet. Visit her blog and you will be blessed, encouraged, and will be able to relate to the honest feelings behind each post. This post was written by Sara and posted with her permission.

So much of what's communicated about the world of adoption can feel so fatalistic.

Both the outside observer and the mom who is in the thick of it can share the same bleak perspective. One perceives trouble and the other lives it, daily. Anecdotes about the neighbor's son who, post-adoption, traumatized his siblings, share equal weight with a mother's desperate prayer requests for her child, whose countenance has iced-over since they brought her home.

Rewind ten years and any sort of bump in the pathway to the "normal" life intimidated me.

My secret goal was to maintain an equilibrium in every way. A good marriage, steady friendships, growing impact on the world, faithful-but-not-interrupted walk with God. None of these, in and of themselves, are wrong, of course. But they couldn't exist alongside my prayers for a unique intimacy with God.

He let me share, however little, in His sufferings.

Little did I know that what was in front of me would prepare me to administer healing to my daughter, and walk alongside my son in his grief. My hiccups found me a Father, and they are teaching me to be a mother.

Though I met with Jesus in the back-alley of life and found true safety outside of my "normal" life, I still carried those same expectations for normalcy over my children, who came to me through an anything-but-normal means. Residual fear of straying from the norm carried through to our first months and even year of absorbing Eden and Caleb into our fold.

"Happy children" was my goal.

The problem, unfortunately, being that I also prayed even before the first time I laid eyes on them, that they would know Him as Daddy. I've asked, almost daily, that they would know in their innermost being how high, wide, deep and long is His love.

While happy is surely the fruit of a child who knows their Father loves them, there are years where that truth may have been called into question, for my little former-orphans. And they can not be erased.

And grief has surfaced in our home.

The pain behind her eyes is unavoidable at times. Her grasps for the promise of security exposed behind weak attempts to disguise them. Is our love as temporal as the one she first knew? If the womb's bond was broken by poverty, who can she trust?

The foundational fissures of a child, once abandoned, can not be easily caulked. Even the early years are subject to a forever imprint.

But God.

Yes, but God.

The same words I heard years ago about all those areas of "normal" being stretched thin, are the words I hear now. I found a flicker of light in the night, then, that set my whole heart on a different course. One breath of His changed everything.

I was not made to simply endure, forever living by the scars I'd incurred along the way. I was made to conquer. To win. And the prize was the internal shifting of my heart that would never be taken away from me. I would never be the same again.

My walk through the valley of the shadow of death marked my twenties and early thirties. My daughter found it at three and four.

But her scars will be her testimony. And the imprint, a remainder mark of the sweet kiss of Jesus.

I feel the ripples of loss in my home. When fear fills her eyes and insecurity leaks out, I inhale the abandonment too. She clasps her hands around my neck with a hold that craves promise, while expecting that one day this, too, will end. Her joy and zeal, overshadowed as of late, by tentativeness.

By itself, it is bleak. It is fatalistic. There is reason to accept our children will be forever broken.

"But God" echoes from my insides. I want to shout it in my home and let the hope of those words linger like a candle's fragrance in winter over our responses to this vessel not-yet-fully-healed.

She gets to find Him. Early. The darkness ignored by many but undeniable to her, begs a light. My little girl will see the goodness of God in the land of the living.

And because I'd faulted in my marriage, my friendships, my impact, my ambitions, her road to Him is actually exciting for me. I know not just what is on the other side, but the Man she gets to meet along the way.

And His grip around her tiny fingers offers her early admittance to safety.

Happy Adoption Day, Lael! - December 23, 2010

2011-01-20T13:00:00.000-05:00

The last placement of 2010 took place on December 23rd! It took very careful planning and staff cooperation to allow us to make this placement in time for Christmas, but it was a special day that we wanted to be a part of, if at all possible. Baby Lael was placed into the arms of her adoptive parents, Tommy & Connie, by her birthmother in a hand-knit Christmas stocking that was made by the birth family.

There was not a dry eye in the room as Lael was brought in to meet the adoptive family and then, later, as Tommy shared some of what was on he and Connie's heart that afternoon and publically expressed their feelings of gratitude and love for the birth mother. This, truly, will be a special Christmas memory for the birth mother, Lael, and the adoptive family. God is good! More images are available by viewing the Happy Adoption Day, Lael slideshow. Due to confidentiality, pictures of the birth family have not been included in the slideshow.

It's Tax Time! Understanding the Adoption Tax Credit

2011-01-19T10:40:00.001-05:00

The Adoption Tax Credit is a wonderful benefit available for adoptive families who complete a domestic, international, or special needs adoption. However, it's something that most people don't think about until it's tax time and then they realize that they don't really understand it. The Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption produced this video clip with basic information to help you understand what kind of expenses you should be documenting, when the credit can be used, and how to go about gaining the maximum benefit for your family.

You should consult a tax professional for additional information or answers to questions you may have specifically relating to your adoption experience.

FLS Caseworker Takes On A New Challenge

2011-01-14T16:01:00.000-05:00

For those of you who have been personally acquainted with Family Life Services (FLS), Janelle Basham has been a recognizable part of our ministry for over 10 years. She has worked as an Adoption Caseworker, in both part-time and full-time capacities, and has very openly shared her own adoption story with many clients over the years. Her expertise in the area of adoption has been a valued part of FLS and we are so grateful for the many years that she has devoted to our agency.

Although she no longer is employed by FLS, we are celebrating a new opportunity that she accepted in late 2010. Janelle was asked to become the Director of the Liberty Godparent Home (LGH) and oversee this residential program for pregnant women that provides housing, counseling, education, medical care, and guidance regarding both parenting and placing options.

LGH is a partner ministry of FLS and we see this transition as a win-win situation: 1) her office is now in the next building to ours so she isn't far away, 2) we are still able to work with her on a daily basis, just in a different capacity, 3) her life has come full-circle from once being a 16-year-old resident of the Godparent Home to the position of Director and 4) her personal and professional experience provides her with the energy, passion and drive to continue building a great program at LGH.

Throughout her life, Janelle has experienced ups & downs, victories & defeats, and tears of joy & sorrow that have all been woven together by God's grace to produce a beautiful testimony of God's plan for this chapter in her life. In 2010, she co-authored Released & Delivered in which she tells her own story of teenage pregnancy, from regret to redemption.

We are so proud of Janelle and the things that God is accomplishing through her! You can read more about this part of Janelle's journey on her blog The Journey of a Birthmother.

The Great 8 Challenge - Karis Magazine

2011-01-10T09:40:00.001-05:00

If you look at the top of our blog, you'll see a fancy new banner that has been added to our blog this weekend, proudly proclaiming our support for Karis Magazine! It is a faith-based publication that started in Southwest Virginia in October 2010 and is quickly expanding and growing. The magazine's launch of their e-subscription this past weekend will quickly launch them toward their goal of becoming national. If I had to make a prediction, I think this will become one of the leading Christian publications available. This magazine is committed to giving back a portion of their income to other ministries impacting the Kingdom. Here's the first challenge for those wanting to get in on the action...straight from Karis...believe me, you will be encouraged and challenged by every page.

The Great 8 Challenge.

8,000 dollars. 8 ministries. All you have to do is subscribe.

Literally, within an hour of our eKaris launch- God started tugging at our heart strings. (He's so very prompt like that.) We prayed and pondered, and because this company, magazine and ministry is for Him- we're going to start giving back the blessings that He is pouring in!!!

Here's the skinny- For every 100 subscriptions, (eKaris ONLY) Karis Magazine will donate 1,000 dollars to a non-profit organization/charity/ministry. We prayed and used God's super duper knowledge to determine which organizations we'd give to for this go-a-round. After literally picking them from a bowl, here's the order:

1. Straight Street Ministries

2. Liberty Godparent Foundation

3. The Rescue Mission

4. God's Pit Crew

5. Children's Miracle Network

6. Manna Ministries

7. Feeding America Southwest Virginia

8. Rick Via World Ministries

PLEASE subscribe to eKaris and make a difference in the lives of others! Make sure to pass it on; shout it from the roof tops if you have to- we won't judge. HELP US HELP OTHERS!!!! Log onto www.karismag.com to get your subscription today and follow them on Facebook at Karis Magazine to follow this amazing journey of faith.

Family Movie Night 1/8 - Change of Plans

2011-01-07T16:59:00.000-05:00

I received an email this week from Moms 4 Family TV, which is a grassroots community of moms in favor of television programming that is appropriate and suitable for the whole family to watch together. Tomorrow night (January 8th) at 8:00 p.m. Est. FOX will be airing an adoption-themed movie called Change of Plans.

Change of Plans is the fourth film in an initiative sponsored by Walmart and P&G to bring back “Family Movie Night”. Change of Plans is the story of Sally and Jason Danville, a young couple with plenty of love, talent, and career opportunities - and no responsibilities. When Sally's childhood friend dies and entrusts her with four children, Sally and Jason begin a journey that changes the focus of their lives and expands their definition of family. Three of these four children have become siblings through international adoption, and the movie offers a challenging, heart-warming insight into the joys and struggles of building a family from a group of strangers. The movie stars Phylicia Rashad (Cosby Show), Brooke White (American Idol) and Joe Flanigan (Stargate Atlantis).

• Tune in: Saturday, January 8th at 8:00 p.m. EST on FOX

• Spread the Word: Send an email with a link to this post to your friends and family!

• Visit : www.moms4familytv.com for resources, an essay contest, and more.

Your support of this film will encourage a compassionate and positive outlook towards adoption in families across the country. It will also send the message that families want more high-quality entertainment they can enjoy.

My DVR is set...don't forget to let me know what you think about the movie!

Catching A Grenade You Threw Can Be Messy

2011-01-05T13:20:00.000-05:00

This entry was written by Kevin Hofmann and originally published on his blog My Mind on Paper. It is re-posted with permission.

Sitting across from an adoptive mom in a local support group, I could see the distaste she had for the birth mother of her child. The birth mother had abused drugs and was an unfit mother which led to the county removing the child from the birth mother’s home. The child was adopted by this woman whose feelings were seeping from her every pore.

As I sat in this meeting, the only adoptee, I felt it was important that I say something.

“Do you talk about your daughter’s birth mother with her?” I asked.

“Oh, yes all the time.” She said.

“Do you tell her how you feel about her birth mother?” I cautiously asked.

“No, I never tell her exactly how I feel.” She confidently replied.

“Sometimes you can say a whole lot with out saying a word.” I replied with equal confidence.

There was no way the adoptee didn’t know how her mother felt about her birth mother. It showed in the mother’s face just when she said the birth mother’s name. It oozed out of her in a way that made her feelings known instantly.

My comment was meant to make her think and required no response and she understood that and said nothing in response.

In my head there were several supporting arguments that I never voiced.

My initial concern was, as an adoptee, no matter how bad or horrible my birth mother may have been, she is still my birth mother; to not honor that simple truth was disturbing.

I felt as if the adoptee’s feelings were being sacrificed and ignored because the mother felt justified.

My secondary concern was about the future.

I would never argue that abusing drugs is justified and to be enraged about it was understandable. Did the mother deserve to have her child taken away? There are arguments that support both sides, and at this time and place I am willing to concede the removal was best for the child. The child is where they should be.

Over the years, I am certain the adoptee will learn that her birth mother was a drug abusing, unfit mother at the time she was removed from the home.

The assumption that this is a permanent condition concerns me. What if this permanent condition was temporary and after several years the adoptee meets this unfit mother, who is now clean and sober. That mother wasn’t frozen in time, maturity has thawed this snap shot in the past and she is no longer the unfit mother she once was. How does the adoptee square what she sees with what she has been told?

People can and do change. Now the picture she sees isn’t the picture that has been painted over the years and the adoptee feels betrayed, lied to, and manipulated.

Honoring birth parents is imperative. Honor them in what you say, and how you respond because they are part of the adoptee. Dishonoring them could come back to you like a grenade thrown against hurricane-force winds.

How Will 2011 Be Different For You?

2011-01-03T13:19:00.000-05:00

We are back in full-swing at Family Life Services and anticipating a great new year ahead! Welcoming 2011 seems to bring with it an obligation to come up with wise or witty resolutions that will positively impact our lives in some way. I've reflected on this a little over this last weekend and settled in my mind that I'm not much of a "resolution person".

Sure, I want to lose weight, eat healthier, live within my budget, make every day count, blog more consistently and live like I'm dying but I don't necessarily feel the need to make some earth-shattering statement about it on facebook just because the date on the calendar has switched (I mean, don't we all need to know the New Year's Resolutions of the person who sat beside us in our high school Algebra class?!).

However, it is a great time to reflect on the year behind us and hope and dream about the one ahead of us. That can be an overwhelming task for many of us as we're just happy to have made it. If 2010 brought with it a host of struggles, disappointments, and hardship, it is possible to focus on the fact that you've made it through to begin a new year.

There is great peace in knowing that God knows what we've been through and He knows what lies ahead in the coming year. Often I feel that I repeat one simple phrase to get me through the darkest of moments...

God knows.

We can walk boldly into the unknown of a new year because we have the Ultimate Companion, who will stick with us every step of the way and give us the strength, grace, and courage for each day.

Since I cannot change many of the circumstances that surround me, I have determined that I want to enter into this year less focused on my circumstances and more focused on my reactions to what comes my way. Maybe I'm a "resolution person" after all?! What resolutions have you made for 2011?

Happy New Year,
Deanne

Free Informational Meeting About International Adoption - Fishersville, Virginia

2010-12-17T10:16:00.000-05:00

You are invited to an Introduction to International Adoption information meeting hosted by a family who has adopted through Children's Hope International, a non-profit adoption and humanitarian aid agency (and received pre-adoption and post-adoption services from Family Life Services). Learn more about adopting from China, Russia, Columbia, and Ethiopia at this free meeting.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Augusta County Public Library

1759 Jefferson Highway

Fishersville, Virginia 22939

If you have any questions, you may contact the host, Rachel, at 540-949-0576 or beaglefarm1@yahoo.com. Children's Hope International is a Member of the ECFA for Financial Standards and Hague Accredited by the Council on Accreditation. http://www.childrenshope.net/

Jump and the Money Will Appear

2010-12-13T15:49:00.001-05:00

Have you considered adoption but feel like the financial costs involved are too overwhelming to even consider transferring your thoughts into a reality? Do you look at adoptive families and secretly think "how in the world can they afford to adopt a child"?

I cannot tell you the number of stories that I have heard, first-hand, from adoptive families whom I call my friends that attest to the fact that God provides. He provides through adoption grants, interest-free adoption loans, anonymous gifts, family members' gifts, fundraisers, yard sales, selling pies & cakes, and the list goes on and on. In providing financially for a willing adoptive family, he also provides a family to a child...and that alone is an awesome and overwhelming thought. The following post is from Meaghan Miller's blog Living and Telling Good Stories.

34% of Christians consider adoption. The majority of them will never follow through, let alone even start—less than 1% actually. The main reason: the costs of adoption seem too overwhelming—often as much as $20,000-40,000.

When we began fundraising for our adoption, I had no idea how we would ever reach our goal of $20,000. It seemed so impossible, so far away, and yet, we are now within sight. I can’t believe it, but we are almost 60% of the way there. We have raised nearly $12,000 and we have just $8,000 to go. “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

Joel and I have prayed from the beginning that God would use our story to inspire others to believe adoption possibly for ordinary families, not something reserved for the wealthy. We believe that there is more at stake with our fundraising than our own adoption—we are also doing this for the families that come after us. Every dollar that comes in says to another family: You don’t have to be rich and you don’t have to go into debt to respond to God’s call. You simply have to step out in faith, show up with your willingness to be creative and work hard, and trust that God will provide, one dollar at a time.

As I’ve met family after family who has adopted, whether face-to-face or through the world of social media, I have found that God provided exactly what they needed financially to adopt, literally without exception. Every story is unique, but the result is the same.

I remember seeing the first few donations come in several weeks back–$25 here, $50 there. I thought to myself, “Well, that’s great, but how in the world will we ever get to $20,000?” All I can say, somehow, it all adds up. Bottom line: God is in this!

While it may sound strange to say, I’m so thankful that Joel and I aren’t able to fund our adoption personally. In God’s providence, this piece of our story is absolutely necessary to the bigger narrative that God is writing in our family and our community. Without it, we would never be able to encourage others in the way that we can now, and our own faith would not have the chance to grow under pressure like it is at this very moment.

If you find yourself daunted by the financial obstacles of adoption, take heart. God wants to demonstrate his power through your story with HIS resources. Don’t let fear cause you to abandon a story like that for a smaller one.

Question: How have you stepped out in faith and seen God provide in ways you never imagined?

All I Really Want For Christmas...Is A Family.

2010-12-07T10:59:00.002-05:00

During this season of joy, giving, and family traditions, it's easy to get so wrapped up in our own holiday traditions, family conflicts, and trivial business that we forget those who have a very different experience than our own during the holiday season. The children without families, the elderly adults with no visitors, the homeless people on the street, the families who are struggling to feed their children, and those who have experienced significant grief, tragedy, and/or loss.

How can you reach out to those around you during this time? Is God calling you to make a visit, prepare a meal, serve at a local shelter, show someone that you care, buy gifts for children in foster care, or expand your family through adoption? Whatever it is...do it...and you will never be the same.

"...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40b

What About Their Baby Books?

2010-12-03T11:27:00.000-05:00

“I just heard the baby’s heartbeat,” she whispered to me as she scooted in a few seats down from me in the prayer room. This mom-to-be just graduated from her first trimester and was bubbling over with these new data points on the one who would soon be her child.

As I processed those words, grief entered my heart.

I never heard Eden’s heartbeat. I didn’t see her when she was the size of a bean or a softball or even a six pound wonder waiting to be delivered. I didn’t hear her first hiccup or attend to the unspoiled cries of infancy. I didn’t get to pour prayers into her pre-natal development or celebrate the stages of her growth.

Earlier that day we watched a dear friend’s newborn. As I held her, Caleb crawled up beside me and studied her features. “Her fingers are so small, mommy. Were my fingers that small? What about Eden’s fingers?” I used this as an opportunity to talk about how his Ethiopian mommy saw him when he was that small and held him when he was newly born.

He was not visibly impacted by this, but I felt the weight of those words. Two years of his life are unknown to me. What parents can’t help but engross themselves with – the first roll, crawl, walk – is a void in his history.

So much of the year and a half that our children have been home has been about gains. We became a family. The joy of two zest-filled little ones has been seeping out of every corner of my life. They have only added to what we already had.

But what has become a staple -- life as a family of four -- has also created a safe space for all of us to begin assessing the losses. Eden wrestles with a fear of being abandoned again and Caleb’s little heart is especially tender. While they haven’t yet articulated grief over the years they weren’t in our home, the questions have started. Why couldn’t my Ethiopian mommy and daddy keep me? Why did it take so long for you to come get me? What about the other boys and girls who don’t have mommies and daddies?

And I’ve become familiar with a form of grief I didn’t anticipate. A sum total of 5 years of their lives is missing. The years which kids don’t remember (but parents memorialize) have no baby books to show for them. No locks of hair, no videos of their first steps, no knowledge of their first words. And this grieves my heart. I long for those years as if I was a parent whose child went missing for a period of time.

The only reconciliation for this grief is oftentimes the missing piece in adoption literature and research. It’s the ingredient that doesn’t show itself on double-blinded studies of children adopted post-infancy. The God of the universe promises redemption and restoration of all that is lost. His promise to Israel is also our promise: He will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

The grief that entered my heart today, at the thought of years I can’t tell stories about, is real. It’s a pain that, if at all possible, cuts even deeper than the wound of not-yet having biological children because it not only impacts me and Nate, but it touches our children. What sort of grid does a five year-old have for processing the black hole of their past? My heart hurts to anticipate when this reality will hurt her.

But what is becoming the lens through which I see our current adoption (and our future adoptions), must also be applied to this scenario.

God not only heals, but he restores. He closes up the wounds of the brokenhearted so that they are no longer.

There are two opportunities here. Eden and Caleb, and Nate and I, can come face to face with the God who penetrates those wounds; we can know Him deeper because of this. And we can walk as ones who have been healed, as if the wound was never there. It is a promise of God.

This may be a lifetime of discovery, but it’s available. What is often missed in the statistical references to adoption is the power of a God who heals. There is hope.

And so I pray to God for my children along the lines of Job, that He would not only heal those years, but restore to them twice as much as they had before. And I take my grief to His feet and say, Father, heal my heart. Heal their hearts. Use this wound to give them even more of you than they would have had if even their infant years had not been stolen.

And I wait with great anticipation, ready to memorialize His work.

Sara and her husband, Nate, are the proud parents of Eden & Caleb (pictured above) and have just begun another adoption journey. Make sure to visit her blog Every Bitter Thing Is Sweet

To Exchange Gifts or Not...That is the Question

2010-11-30T11:44:00.000-05:00

Christmas is just around the corner...trees are up, lights are sparkling, folks are shopping! During the holiday season, adoptive families and birth families can get really stressed out about the whole topic of gift giving....to exchange gifts or not to exchange gifts, that is the BIG question?

Unfortunately, there is not one answer that can be applied, across the board, to every adoptive family and birth family. However, this is a time of year that you should remember one another and send a greeting, regardless of if it includes a gift or not. Remember that it is the thought that counts. It is better to send a card than do nothing because you have allowed yourself to be frozen in panic.

I have witnessed adoptive families and birth families who enjoy exchanging gifts and others who have chosen to keep their relationship focused on the relationship and don't want to burden either family with adding to the Christmas shopping list. It is certainly individual and the most important thing is to communicate and talk about it if the uncertainty of know what you should or shouldn't do has caused you to stay awake at night. Simply say, "I've been thinking about Christmas coming up and I sure want you to know how much you mean to our family every month throughout the year, but wondered what your thoughts are about whether we should exchange gifts or not?". It comes out much easier than you might anticipate - and you'll feel so much better once you know what's expected.

If you choose not to exchange gifts, there are still some great ideas for the holidays:

Send a photo card, making it more personal than the standard greeting and really think about your message inside (don't use your standard, 1 line greeting that you will write on all 100 of your cards).

Make an ornament for the Christmas tree and mail it in early December.

Consider sending an "update letter" and some new photographs. This is a great idea for birth parents as well. It is easy for birth parents to think that they have nothing to tell about themselves, but make an effort at the end of this year to tell the adoptive family about you and your family and include updated pictures of yourself.

Share a holiday tradition between families. Maybe it's a special breakfast that you enjoy as a family, a story that is read annually, a Christmas movie that's a "must" in your home, a family recipe, etc.

"Celebrate Adoption" Skating Party Pictures

2010-11-29T12:54:00.000-05:00

To celebrate National Adoption Month here in Lynchburg, Family Life Services hosted over 225 people at the LaHaye Ice Center for the "Celebrate Adoption" Skating Party! The group was composed of friends of the ministry, birth families, adoptive families, and foster families. Many families had adopted through FLS or had used our services for pre or post-adoption services and we had some families join us from the community.

Through the generous donations of two local families, we were able to provide free skating, free skate rentals, pizza, cupcakes, drinks and a professional face painter for all to enjoy. We hope to be able to continue to make this event an annual tradition for our agency as we feel that it's a wonderful time for old friends to reunite and new friends to get acquainted! You can view a sample of pictures from the day here or in the album on the sidebar.

Wendy's Story: Lives Changed, Futures Restored

2010-11-16T13:44:00.002-05:00

This was written by a birthmother who received counseling and services from our organization in 2002. When asked what this ministry has meant to her, this was her response and testimony to the life-changing efforts of FLS & LGH.

If the Liberty Godparent Home & Family Life Services had not helped me in 2002, I would not be where I am today and I would not have been able to kick my drug habit! When I came to the home, they told me I was too old for the residential program but agreed to talk to me about my situation and see how they could help. I cried and told the director, at the time, what I was going through - I had a two year old son that I could not take care of and I was pregnant with another child in addition to having a drug addiction. They never turned their backs on me, regardless of my circumstances or my age. I haven’t done anything illegal since the day I stepped foot into the Godparent Home. When I placed my son for adoption through Family Life Services, the ministry helped me to get a job at Liberty University where I worked in Admissions for four years. I then transitioned into overseeing the Customer Service department at a large company where I have worked ever since.

I see my birth son about three to four times a year and have built a very good open adoption relationship with the adoptive mother and father. I have full custody of my oldest son and am now parenting a younger son as well. I am getting ready to get married June 11, 2011 to my best friend and we have been in a relationship for nine years. I am also an active member of my church. If it wasn’t for Family Life Services and the Godparent Home, I have no idea where I (or my two children) would be. They truly saved my life and gave me hope for a bright future. I am so thankful for this ministry’s investment in my life and will tell this story to anyone that will ask!

Wendy is pictured below with her fiance. Thank you for sharing your story of a life impacted and changed!

Liberty Godparent Foundation 2010 Winter Market

2010-11-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

Help an FLS Adoptive Family Help Orphans

2010-11-04T11:37:00.000-04:00

We had the privilege of working with a couple, Jim & Susan, to help them adopt two children from Ethiopia earlier this year. They have a passion for adoption and have recently entered a contest with Dave Ramsey called The Great Giving Challenge and have the opportunity to help other adoptive families by giving away $1000 to five adoptive families who need help funding their adoptions. I want to see this happen and how appropriate would it be for this gift to become a reality during National Adoption Month!

In order to win, they have to be one of the top ten videos on Dave Ramsey’s website and then judges will choose three videos and will award $5,000 to each family to give away. They need a lot of votes, but it is achievable. Please go to the following link and vote for Jim & Susan’s video: http://bit.ly/cSiSFc You can vote once a day from now until November 7th and it will even give you an option of being reminded to vote each day (perfect for me!). Feel free to pass this along to your friends, post it on your blog, share the link via Facebook, etc.

Lets help this family help orphans find a forever family.

Great Giving Challenge Contest Entry: PureJoy

Seasons of Life

2010-10-27T10:54:00.000-04:00

I must start out by saying that I love autumn in Virginia...it is a beautiful time of year with magnificent views of the Blue Ridge Mountains as they seem to create a different artistic masterpiece every day with their evolving hues! Our office is nestled at the base of a small mountain and, this week, our windows have become frames for the elaborate scenery of nature signaling that we are almost at the peak of this season.

Every Wednesday, the staff of Family Life Services, the Liberty Godparent Foundation, and the Liberty Godparent Home meets first thing in the morning for devotions and prayer. I was slotted to share this morning and was convinced, yesterday, that I had a great devotional to share with the ladies from a recent daily devotional from Proverbs 31 Ministries (as a side note, you need to sign up for these if you haven't already). As I was getting ready this morning, God began to speak to me and let me know that He had something different that I was to share.

I pulled out my Soul Care Bible as I was eating breakfast and a few flips of the page revealed the timely words that I was able to share with our staff this morning about the "Seasons of Life" by Freda Crews (drawn from I Chronicles 23).

In the last year and a half, I have personally experienced a consistent series of transitions: transition to marriage, job transitions for my husband, and a combination of leadership changes within our ministry. If I may have a moment of transparency with you, I must say that I am one who doesn't welcome change with excitement but have come to realize that change can be very positive even in the midst of uncomfortable circumstances.

Life is a series of transitions...that is a reality for all of us. We have a choice to make regarding our response to change: we can resist it with everything that is in us and probably become miserable in the process or we can decide to be aggressively engaged in becoming the people God intended us to be by learning to navigate through the transitions of life.

With God's help, how can we handle life transitions and come out a better person on the other side? Better yet, how can we come through these changes with our joy, faith, and hope still intact? Here are some simple and practical takeaways that I needed to hear more than anyone this morning:

1) Accept the reality that life transitions are inevitable. Although we can prevent or avoid some transitions, other we cannot and are beyond our control. Acceptance allows us to embrace life with its seasons of growth and development.

2) Allow change to work. Transitions help us to become what God wants us to be and He is in control of every situation, manipulating it behind the scenes to accomplish His purpose in our lives.

3) Persevere - Hang in there during the difficult circumstances! God leads us through circumstances that give us the opportunity to grow strong spiritual roots so we can withstand the storms of life. Character can be cultivated when we persevere through the pain of change.

4) Wait for the purposes of God to unfold. Trust that He is faithful and will reveal a purpose to the painful transitions in life.

If this meets you right where you are today, you are not alone. My heart was stirred as I related each of these reminders to my personal life and our organization. I must choose to go "along for the ride" knowing that it's not a chaotic, out-of-control ride with no plan, but rather God is in control of each hour of every day and already knows the end result of my circumstances. Be encouraged, friends, that He loves us and is holding you close in the midst of the storm.

Tis The Season For Special Events!

2010-10-22T10:19:00.000-04:00

I'm back after a little breather from blogging...I love sharing new ideas and connecting through The Journey of Adoption, and yet, sometimes, I find that daily casework must take precedent over these more innovative branches of our agency. That is where I have been the past couple of weeks - returning phone calls, assisting with searches, processing counseling cases, planning upcoming events, hosting support groups, etc.!

There are two major events in November that we are hosting (2010 Winter Market and the "Celebrate Adoption" Skating Party) and we want to see you! They fall on the same weekend, so it's a wonderful opportunity for those of you who aren't too far away to plan a trip into Lynchburg for the weekend.

1) The 2010 Winter Market will be the melting pot of vendors and merchants...a perfect kick-off for the Christmas Season! Make plans now to come and enjoy the unique items at this show at Liberty University’s Schilling Center in Lynchburg, Virginia.

Friday, November 19th: Show Preview 6-9pm (Admission $7)
Saturday, November 20th: 10-6pm (Admission $5)
Sunday, November 21st: 1-4pm (Admission $5)

*Kids 12 and under are free **Sponsored by WSET & Flavours Catering by Design

All proceeds from admission will benefit the Liberty Godparent Foundation. This year's market will be a shopping extravaganza that you won't want to miss! Visit the Facebook page linked above for a list of vendors that will be updated weekly from now until the event. For further information or to request a vendor information packet, please contact Kris Richard at 434.592.4400 or karichard@liberty.edu.

2) The "Celebrate Adoption" Skating Party is on Saturday, November 20th from 4 - 5:45 p.m. at the LaHaye Ice Center in Lynchburg, VA. FLS would like to invite families touched by domestic or international adoption to join us for our 6th Annual Ice Skating Party! Foster families, birth families, waiting adoptive families, and adoptive families are welcome. There is no admission charge for ice skating, skate rentals are free, and refreshments will be provided. RSVP to Deanne Hamlette at dhamlette@liberty.edu or RSVP on the Facebook Events Page linked above.

Tis the season for fun, food, family & friends!

Birth Mother Pottery Group - A Different Kind of Therapy!

2010-10-12T10:40:00.000-04:00

Last night, we hosted our monthly Birth Mother Support Group at the Liberty Godparent Home. It was a different kind of group - no discussion plans, no gut-wrenching poems to read, no expectations for each person to share something with the group about her adoption journey...instead, we painted pottery!

To some, this may sound like a silly and frivolous plan and yet we wanted to provide an activity for women with similar experiences to connect on another level...a real-life, everyday kind of level where we can appreciate each person for their style, creativity, zest for life, imagination, etc. So, they came in jeans & pj's and indulged in chocolate, cookies, chips, and soda while settling in for an evening of relaxation.

Many of the 15 ladies in attendance have been coming to the group for years (some as many as 8 years) and others were newly acquainted to the group. As the evening progressed, we found 3 groups of ladies gathered around tables talking about life, love, family, school, work, and adoption.

Several of the women chose to create something as a gift to the child whom they placed with an adoptive family. This gift will be priceless, unique, and encompasses the eternal love that a birth mother feels for her child.

Was this group complicated or counseling-oriented? No. Was it therapeutic? Absolutely. We're learning that sometimes the best plan comes when you think outside the box!

Lifetime Adoption Foundation - Educational Scholarships for Birth Parents

2010-10-04T11:57:00.001-04:00

The Lifetime Adoption Foundation has been an organization that we have often referred birth parents to when looking at pursuing educational opportunities. They believe that birth parents who have chosen adoption for their children deserve the opportunity for a future after adoption in the same way that they have made decisions to provide their child with a healthy future. Birth mothers or birth fathers may apply for scholarship funds and they award 80-90% of applicants with a scholarship of $50 - $500. Here is the criteria for scholarship and information about the application process. Although the funding is limited, every little bit helps!

We have the scholarship packet available on PDF at our office as well. If you would like us to send you the information, we can forward it via email.

Lemonade 4 Life!

2010-10-01T09:39:00.000-04:00

One of the most thrilling parts of this week has been learning about the life-saving efforts of two little girls, Eliana (5) and Eden (3), who wanted to do something to make a difference. These girls not only wanted to participate in our Baby Bottle Campaign, they wanted to get their neighborhood and community involved as well. They set up a lemonade stand and worked 7 hours.....raising over $100 for the Liberty Godparent Foundation! These girls really "got it" and totally rocked the Baby Bottle Campaign!

Lemonade 4 Life

We have all heard the term when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. That stems from the thought that lemons themselves are sour and bad. Actually they have a great flavor; they’re just concentrated and need to be blended with other ingredients to create a wonderful finished product. Lemons are great in things like cakes, pies, and lemonade, but not so good in coffee or mashed potatoes. Sometime life throws us things that we think are less than ideal, like for instance an unplanned pregnancy.

The addition of a baby is often the fulfillment of a desire, although in other cases the timing or circumstances may not be suitable to give a child what they need. In such cases, pregnancy resource centers and adoption agencies such as The Liberty Godparent Home & Family Life Services are there to help young ladies with the resources they need or the option of placing their child in a loving home through adoption.

As humans we can many times focus on the inconvenient circumstances without searching for the beauty in a finished product. Sometimes the sweetest things come in small concentrated packages.

Many adults wouldn't stick at something for 7 hours and could certainly learn a lot from Eliana & Eden's hard work, dedication, and motivation to volunteer their time and get involved in a cause they believe in. Their parents, Bev & Brooke, have obviously planted seeds of kindness, love, and care for others at an early age and the whole family is very supportive of our ministry.

Eliana & Eden - you have excited our whole ministry with your love for people and desire to do something to help others. Thank you for volunteering your time to tell others about the Liberty Godparent Home & Family Life Services and your selfless gift of money to help young women and babies!

Adoptive Family Support Group - Lynchburg, VA

2010-09-29T08:28:00.000-04:00

The Adoptive Families Support Group is an incredible resource for families during the waiting process and, unlike the birth mother support group, is designed to support families who are waiting to adopt or who have adopted. I would encourage you to get plugged into this group as, I believe, it is the most valuable resource that FLS can offer for supporting waiting families. Please RSVP directly to the email address below if you wish to attend or contact them to get on the invitation list if you have not already received this email from the group. Invitation for the upcoming meeting is below. ~Deanne

Happy Fall Everyone!

We will be meeting next Tuesday night, October 5, from 6:30 - 8:00 for an adults-only fellowship at the home of Clayton and Robyn. Please join us to renew acquaintances and friendships and support each other in the various stages of our adoption journeys. RSVP to dkillmon@juno.com as soon as possible but no later than this Friday, October 1st and I'll provide you with location in Lynchburg and directions.

Looking forward to seeing you all,
Clayton and Robyn
Dean and Kathy

Love & Appreciation for an FLS Foster Family

2010-09-24T13:48:00.000-04:00

FLS has 8 foster families who work directly with our agency to provide transitional care for infants until all parental rights have been terminated. These families give selflessly of their time, families, and homes to give 100% to the infants who join their families for a short time. I stumbled upon this post that was written by an adoptive family who adopted their daughter, Grace, earlier this year and was given permission to share it with you. It is a beautiful tribute to the foster family who had a part in their family's adoption story.

As many of you know Grace was in foster care for the first four months of her life. I know many people think of the "foster care" term in a negative light, however, Grace had the most incredible foster parents we lovingly call Mommy Cheryl and Daddy Gary.

First let me give you a little background on Mommy Cheryl and Daddy Gary. They are a wonderful Christian couple who love the Lord and it is very evident. Gary and Cheryl have three adopted children themselves Becca, Jason and Debbie. Becca and Jason are in college and Debbie is a high school senior. Gary and Cheryl have been fostering, I believe, for 8 - 10 years. They only foster babies from the adoption agency (Family Life Services) we received Grace from. Needless to say they have LOTS of experience and it shows!

Everyone knows how much of a gift Grace is to Eric and I, but she started out as unexpected gift to the Sumner family. In December Gary lost his job where he had been employed for many years. The Sumner kiddos were home for Christmas break and after Christmas they got a call that they would be fostering a baby girl until her forever family could get her. Grace entered the world....December 28 and from what the Sumners have explained to us she was an angel from the beginning. A couple of weeks later, Becca and Jason headed back to college and Grace had the privilege of getting undivided attention from Daddy Gary and Mommy Cheryl. They took her everywhere church (never missed a Sunday, even her first week of life), out to eat, errands, and high school events. Debbie was able to spend alot of time with her and it was evident even at four months they had a special bond. Grace adored Daddy Gary and would always give him big smiles. In just the little time we spent with Gary and Cheryl after our placement ceremony (a day and a night) Mommy Cheryl had the touch to calm Grace and soothe her.

I had many people tell me once we got her home, we received an angel baby. Eric and I never had to endure sleepless nights and we pretty much have a happy camper all the time! I attribute alot of Grace's transition and easy goingness to Mommy Cheryl and Daddy Gary. They will not take credit for it. They say Grace was blessed with a wonderful temperment. It is clear to me they played a big part in it all!

A couple of weeks ago we went home (my folks home) and had the privilege of spending some time with Daddy Gary and Mommy Cheryl. We had dinner at our favorite place, Cracker Barrel. Apparently Grace had been there quite a few times in the first four months of her life. As we were drving to VA I realized we had had Grace for four months the same amount of time the Sumners had Grace. I realized how much love Eric and I have for the precious little one God entrusted to us. It made me realize once again how difficult it must have been for them to put her in our car (April 24) that last time and watch us drive off.

I remember speaking to Cheryl the day she was handing Grace over to us. Cheryl said, "we love and get attached to our babies if we didn't we wouldn't be doing our job." Gary and Cheryl, thank you for being obedient in your call to be foster parents and loving our Hannah Grace as she was one of your own. We will never forget and will continue to visit this incredible family who loved and guarded our little girl until it was God's timing for us to come and make her our own.

We love you!

Eric, Heidi and Grace

P.S. - God provided Daddy Gary a new job soon after Grace came to live us.

Who Do You Support?

2010-09-23T13:57:00.001-04:00

Lately, this question has been raised a few times and it has prompted me to really think about a Christian's role in providing monetary support for ministries and organizations that would be considered "Kingdom Causes". Do you have to choose just one in order to fully pledge your allegiance to that organization and their declared purpose? I don't believe so.

As managers of whatever financial resources God has entrusted to us, we have been given a responsibility to become givers and, to me, that is an exciting opportunity to participate in many ministries that impact the world.

Our umbrella organization, The Liberty Godparent Foundation, recently launched a popular fundraiser collecting loose change in a Baby Bottle Drive and it was almost shocking to hear some individuals and churches decline involvement because they already participate in another loose change drive for another ministry in another month of the year. My response - GREAT! Thank you for supporting multiple ministries that impact the lives of people.

Let's get past this idea that there is competition in fundraising and get on board to support as many ministries as you are able to contribute to in a small or large way. My husband and I have been able to support organizations that impact the US, Canada, Brazil, Haiti, and Thailand this year....I don't view this as a financial burden but rather as a financial opportunity to be a part of something big in each of these places!

The Liberty Godparent Foundation feels strongly about supporting other local organizations that share a commitment to saving and changing lives of babies and parents. We sent staff to a fundraiser for Blue Ridge Pregnancy Center in our city of Lynchburg, Virginia this month and some of us are heading out to a fundraiser for Blue Ridge Women's Center in Roanoke, Virginia later today. These are such worthy ministry partners and I would encourage you, if you are not doing so already, to look around your community and get involved in supporting some outreach organizations - you will find that you are the one who will receive a blessing.

Pictures of Garrett's Adoption Day

2010-09-20T13:23:00.000-04:00

Adoptive parents, Bill and Heather, celebrated the placement of baby Garrett Lane into their family on Wednesday, September 8th. Big brother, Aiden, was so excited to finally meet this baby that his parents had been talking to him about!

If I could describe this placement in one word, it would be - sweet. Garrett's birth family and adoptive family recognized the hand of God all over each of their steps to bring them to this day and there was truly an overwhelming presence of joy on this placement day. When Garrett's birth mother brought him in to meet Bill and Heather, there was not a dry eye in the room as we saw the obvious connection of love between both families.

More pictures from placement day are posted on the blog sidebar or you can click here to see a slideshow. Happy Adoption Day, Garrett!

MTVs Teen Mom - The Controversy of Reality

2010-09-16T11:49:00.002-04:00

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I'm fully aware that I'm wading into controversial waters this morning by choosing to share about MTV's Teen Mom, which has stirred up many water-cooler conversations around the US in the last year and especially in recent days. The interview, above, was on The Today Show this morning and the current issue of People magazine also features an article about some of the teens portrayed in the show currently on news stands.

As an Adoption Professional and one who watches every episode of Teen Mom, I am not sure that I see what others find to be disturbing. All four stories have very different circumstances and are experiencing a wide range of family support. If this is considered to be "glamorous", that makes me laugh. In my opinion, that couldn't be farther from the truth. Before you begin pointing a finger and say that I'm looking down on these situations, I am certainly not. I will fully admit that my life is far from perfect or glamorous and, if MTV wanted to film a television show in most of our houses we would have more than enough drama, hardship, conflicts and stories to keep an audience interested!

For what it's worth, I think that MTV has done a good job of keeping the show realistic. We see good days and bad days, emotional days and happy days, moments when patience is thin and moments of parental pride. It would be unrealistic to show Catelynn and Tyler crying all the time or super-happy every day, the reality is that there are ups and downs to the grieving process after placing a child with an adoptive family; it would be unrealistic to show Ryan and Maci in a carefree state of life, not worried about the custody proceedings that they find themselves in the middle of; and it would be unrealistic to show Gary, Amber or Farrah always miserable...they have joyful moments with Leah and Sophia too.

These are not reality stars, they are young people who have agreed to participate in a show about teen pregnancy and expose their personal situations to the scrutiny of others who don't know the full stories. More than anything, they need support and not criticism.

Teen Mom provides a reality check for lots of teens who think that either parenting or adoption is easy. Both come with unique joys and challenges. It is impossible for outsiders to look at another situation and judge whether they made the "right" or the "wrong" decision because it's just that - their decision. My hope is that MTVs attempt at reality tv will help young men and women who are experiencing or will experience an unplanned pregnancy to consider some of the factors that should be considered before deciding what's right for them.